During the first half of my summer, from June to July, I stayed up at Gordon Conwell to take two classes and serve with Cross Bridge. The two classes that I took were Suicide Prevention for Professional Caregivers and Preaching 2. I also started working with Instacart on the side during the small bits of free time that I had. God also blessed me with the opportunity to preach once at Cross
Bridge, and once in my home church at 3 Stone. From July to August, I will be interning with my church at 3 Stone. Logistically, everything has been going pretty smoothly, but at the same time, it has been one of the busiest summers that I've had so far. Starting with the Suicide Prevention for Professional Caregivers class; I have to say that this was one of the most applicable classes that I have taken. During the class we discussed three different types of care to give to our church community as well as a deeper understanding to what suicide is, and the theology behind it. The three different cares are: Prevention, Intervention, and Postvention which are basically guidelines on how we can care for a person with suicidal thoughts or past suicide attempts. I went into the class not really knowing much about suicide, and not really thinking that there was so much theology behind it, but the truth was also that I hadn't really heard much about suicide within my own church communities. Death is usually not talked about all that much, and much less suicide. It is a taboo, and because of that, there is many different stigmas that surround this topic. After taking this class, I recognized the importance of teaching and talking about suicide. Not to glorify it the way that the show "13 Reasons Why" does, but to have proper understanding of the causes for it, the signs to be wary of, and how we as a church/Christian community can come alongside those who struggle with suicidal thoughts. In the process of taking this class, me and my classmates were also required to write up our own theology of suicide and also a response protocol. I chose to do a response protocol for the Chinese churches that I attended, and hope to implement them within the church. We should never turn away from any conversations about suicide, and one of the most encouraging and helpful things that I learned from class was that; asking about suicidal intent or thoughts never increases or creates the thought of suicide. Instead of beating around the bush, studies show that actually asking someone about whether they have had suicidal thoughts does not plant the idea in their head, nor does it increase the risk of suicide. This is a huge game changer, because I think many people are scared to approach the topic because they think that it can spiral out of control or be the cause for suicidal thoughts to be planted in someone's head, but the reality is that in most cases it does not. Instead, or boldness to ask, may be an opportunity to care and listen and give the person an opportunity to share. There is just so much more amazing things that I have learned from my class that I can't possibly say in this short post, so feel free to hit me up and ask me more about this topic.
So after the one week intensive suicide prevention class, I had two weeks of no class where I just stayed up at Gordon Conwell to continue serving at the Cross Bridge and also to finish up work, as well as continue doing work for future classes. All the while, I was working with Instacart to just earn a bit of money on the side. Surprisingly, I actually learned a lot from the short time that I worked with them. Instacart is basically uber for your groceries, where I would go and buy groceries for a client, and bring it to their house. I had thought that this job would be nice and convenient because of its
flexibility, as well as its convenience. However, I didn't realize just how much this job would test my patience. My expectations were that I would start my shift, and jobs would just flow in and I would be going back and forth between stores and houses, but in reality, the first week or so was spent sitting in parking lots and just waiting. At first, I was really bitter. It was hard because my expectations weren't met, and the coding for the app that was used for the company didn't seem to make a lot of sense. It would have a map that showed which areas were "hot spots," where many orders would be coming in, but no matter where I went, I would find myself just sitting there. I was frustrated that I spent most of my time sitting around having nothing to do. It wasn't until I really took a step back and recognized the blessing of having something on the side to make a bit of money, but also because I spent time sitting around, I was able to do readings for other classes, as well as reflect and talk to God. Honestly, it is kind of funny how it takes a testing of my patience to remember just how easy it was to complain, and not remember my blessings. As I continued working with them, I was constantly reminded to be patient and to instead count each blessing that the Lord had given me; especially Visalia who was constantly encouraging me throughout my frustrations.
Towards the end of June, my Second preaching class at Gordon Conwell began. This class was mostly for teaching us how to understand the culture and the congregation that we were speaking to. The first class mostly introduced us to preaching and helped set the foundations for good exegetical work, while the second class focused more on the styles of preaching and understanding the congregation. This class was also really great and really helpful to practice preaching. I still have this lingering fear every time I have to preach, but I get more and more excited as I prepare my sermons.
Sure, most of the time I am scratching my head and stressing over the text or how to apply it with the congregation, but at the same time; one thing I realized is that the sermon isn't just for those listening, but that it works through me too. Every time I am preparing to preach a sermon and I start worrying or doubting, I realize... my sermon is speaking directly into that. My sermons weren't just God's words to my listeners, but also God's words to me. The first sermon I had to preach for class was from Philippians 2:12-18, and my topic of focus was on complaining. It was funny because it was right before preparing that sermon that I was stressing about the whole instacart stuff, and not being content with how things were working out. Not only did I prepare 2 sermons for my classes, but I was also blessed with the opportunity to preach once at Cross Bridge and once at 3 Stone. Both times were really exciting and scary as they were my first actual opportunities to preach at a church. The Lord definitely taught me a lot through each sermon I preached, and I appreciated the opportunities to practice. I am slowly learning the importance of being a pastor, and the impact that sermons can have on every person that comes in contact with it. Another small funny thing that I realized from my sermons was that they were all somehow connected in one way or another. The sermon that I preached at Cross Bridge was on Galatians 4:8-20, and the topic was standing firm in our faith. I focused on how we need to respond to our faith and that even though our faith isn't defined by our works, that our work is in support of our faith. The second sermon that I had to preach for class, which was a few days after the sermon from church, was preached on James 2:14-26, where I focused on the same exact topic, but expanded more on how faith and works actually stands hand in hand. The sermon I preached at 3 Stone was on Romans 9:30-10:4 where I focused on Righteousness not being centered on works of the law. At the same time, I was able to pull it back to works of faith that were important. I just thought it was funny how all these passages were somehow tied together with faith and works, and how each one became its own individual sermon with different examples and applications.
Shortly after coming back, I had the opportunity to serve at summer school with NYCAC. Part of it was really nostalgic, but clearly I did not expect the huge monster that I was walking into. Before
coming in, there was already a bit of a scruffle amongst the leaders and staff, but when I came back to New York and started serving, the situation had evolved and taken a bad turn. I'll spare the details, but a general understanding is that the dilemma was birth from misunderstandings that came from cultural and generational gaps between the staffs. Small misunderstandings spiraled out of control to become giant issues, and being someone who is serving at church, it was hard to watch. It was hard to be neutral and recognize both sides were right, but were also wrong. Honestly, as stressful and difficult of a situation this was, God was truly blessing me with the opportunity to take a glimpse of what ministry sometimes can look like, and blessing me with the opportunity to learn. I was in a place where I could be a neutral ear to listen, while work with the pastors to learn how to best approach and reconcile the situation. I definitely don't think that I know how to solve the situation, nor think that something like this can just go away, but I definitely see the Lord working and transforming me and teaching me to show patience and consideration. Besides the mess that was caused, I was in charge of teaching the gospel hour portion of the day. That meant, 1 hour a day I would teach the kids about the bible. Throughout the three weeks that I have been serving, I have changed my schedule to basically review the bible story daily, and to work on memorizing the bible verses while playing games with them. On Wednesday's I would invite a different pastor each time to come and share God's words with the kids, thus giving the
kids the opportunity to hear from different perspectives, as well as continue introducing this summer school as a ministry that we all are participating in. Even though kids are still crazy and wild, I was surprised to hear that some of them actually wanted more bible and more gospel. With 2 weeks remaining in summer school, I hope that if the kids don't remember all the stories, that they would continue to remember the power of Jesus to save and the joy that He brings. Throughout this time, I also had to start prepping for VBS. It was a struggle to decide whether or not to pick this up and it was really hard to figure out the logistics, but God literally always provides. He blessed me with wonderful friends and co-workers that came alongside me and supported me throughout the process. He blessed me with their willingness to help out, and also their willingness to share their thoughts, experiences, and advice. There is no way that I could have done it on my own, and when I first accepted to serve by leading VBS I thought it would be a difficult and impossible task. But as God brought people alongside me, and as they showered grace and sacrificed their time and energy to help me, I was able to catch another glimpse of what ministry looks like when it is in the Lord's hands.
Now for personal reflection, these last two months have gone by so quickly even though they have been soo busy. Jumping into it, I was scared that I would not be able to preach as often as I did, nor be able to finish up all the class work. However, God continues to show that He provides in miraculous ways. He continued to show my His blessings in my life daily, from; providing a side job, prepping sermons, teaching at summer school, encouragement from friends and family, and so many more things. Over the last two months, because of the busyness though, I recognized that I was falling short with my time with God. Honestly, there is no excuse that I can give on cutting out of my intentional time with God, but in my head, I was able to reason it away. It really wasn't until I had to
preach at 3 Stone, that I remembered the importance of prayer, and the importance of relying on God. Even though I knew that I would not have been able to get through this first half of the summer on my own, the moment it finished, I saw my pride build up and form strong walls around my heart. My heart felt like it was hardening from the effort that I thought I had shown, but God once again reminded me that it wasn't by my own power, but purely through His support. I was reminded that what I need isn't more of me, but to rely more on Christ. Within the last two months, God has also provided opportunities to be visited by friends and spend time with Visalia which was really sweet as well. I also was blessed with an opportunity to play some part in my brother's life. Even though it was in the form of a bet, I was praying for ways to care for them more, and God definitely provided in small ways. Overall, this first half of the summer has been fun and crazy, and a great reminder that I still have so much to learn, and that God is constantly working in my life daily. Please keep praying for my future ministry as God reveals more and more of what it means to be a pastor and where He might want me to serve. Also pray for VBS, for teachers and volunteers to be willing to serve, and for us to share love and truth of Christ with the kids.
