Besides the classes, the rest of the month has, as mentioned before, very reflective. The two factors that brought that about was: the three storms that we were hit by and reading "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan.
During the month of March, we were consecutively hit by three storms, one a week for three weeks. Two of the storms had actually caused us to lose electricity up here for 2-3 days each. At first, when we were hit with the first storm and lost electricity, I was rather annoyed. My immediate response was to complain due to the lack of electricity, the lack of heat, the inconvenience of not being able to cook, etc. There was little to no work being done and to top it all off, we kept receiving emails that told us predicted times of electricity coming back which was constantly changing and being pushed back. There was just inconvenience after inconvenience, and discomfort after discomfort. Actually, truth be told, I did enjoy the fact that everyone had to come out of their caves and interact with each other and also the fact that some of us went to play in the snow. As an extrovert, I actually appreciated everyone being forced out into the open, but at the time, all I could think of was how I was inconvenienced by the weather. On the last day of the storm however, it occurred to me that all I was doing was complaining... I often claim that New Yorkers are great at complaining, and being a pure-blooded one myself... meant I would complain about every little thing. For some reason, I failed to recognize the idol that I had unknowingly built up for myself; called comfort. The moment I wasn't comfortable, I complained, and that in itself really shook me. I didn't realize how much I idolized comfort and how easily dismissive I was of all that God had blessed me with. It was a reality check to realize that things that I am so used to like: electricity, heat, food... all of these came from God, but because of how I was used to having them, I did not even consider that they might have been blessings. Thankfully, I was able to take a step back on Saturday and reflect on just how much I've been taking the blessings of the Lord for granted and not attributing to Him what was rightfully His to begin with. Funny thing was, the next day at church, as I was sitting through service, I felt the Lord convicting me of not resting and relying on Him through the storms, and felt that I needed to humble myself and not just focus on my comfort. Towards the end of the service, I felt like I had started the reconciliation process with God, and immediately after the service ended, I received and email saying that electricity was finally restored. I like to believe there are no coincidences in life, and in no way am I saying that God did this to teach me a lesson, but I definitely believe that He used this and timed it in a way that I was able to reflect and remember who He was and what He had done in my life. When the next storm and black out hit, my heart and mind was ready to reflect on the blessings God had given me, and to rejoice instead of complain through the situation.
"Forgotten God" by Francis Chan was also another cause to my daily reflection. I decided to read a couple pages each day as part of my routine before I went to bed, and it has thoroughly changed my nights. I have never really been one to read books on my own, unless I was required to, however, Visalia had lent me this book so I felt like I should read it and return it to her soon. To my surprise, this book was convicting and so crazy. Literally every page I read there was something that struck straight at my heart and forced me to think more and process what was happening. The purpose of the book is a reminder of who the Holy Spirit is and His role in our lives. I definitely recognize that sometimes, He is forgotten and pushed aside, and even to some degree neglected within the Christian faith. Reading this book really reminded me of just how I had been viewing and abusing the Holy Spirit in my life and how I should be seeing the Holy Spirit. Instead of just as some mystical spirit that we have no contact with, the Holy Spirit is very truly God and dwells among us. I realized that though my head knew this, my heart and life was directed in a way that didn't take into account the ways I was living against what the Holy Spirit might have wanted. I definitely took the Holy Spirit for granted multiple times and even tried to manipulate it. There were also times where I feared asking too much of the Holy Spirit, in fear of not having my prayers answered, and of course there were times where I tried to pray prayers in a way that sounded humble enough to be answered. I was not treating the Holy Spirit as part of the God-head, and instead been neglecting my relationship with him. This was a real wake up call, especially since I remembered a time when I had relied on the Holy Spirit for every conversation I would have and every prayer that I prayed. Somehow, someway, I had fallen short of that, but God had reminded me once again and been teaching me this year how to live a life reflective of what I say I believe in.
Like usual, I had a reading week, and this time it just so happened to fall on Easter Sunday as well. The whole week I was back, I was able to catch up and have really great conversations with my friends and family. Not only that, I was able to spend time with my family and Visalia, as well as witness the baptism of a childhood friend. Praise God, for all the people that were baptized this year, and for the chance to witness many Christians that I had watched grow up to become the man and woman that they are now, and that God was molding them to be. This reading week I also started to talk with Visalia about the prospects of a future together. The process was challenging and exciting at the same time. Challenging because of all the uncertainties and fears that we had of the future, which brought about a lot of stress and worry, but exciting because of the possibility of a future together. Throughout this month, we had been discussing it and asking our friends and family members to keep us in their prayers. We definitely spent a good amount of time stressing over details and logistics, as well as the fear of not knowing what would happen in the future, or even where we would be in the future. I thought that these were healthy first steps, and truth be told, I am still a little shook that they happened. In my mind, I am still thinking that I am barely an adult, but here I am considering and thinking about starting a new life with someone. It terrifies me that I can't be sure of the future and that I can't just plan everything out because there are just many different uncertainties, but I think God has really been proving himself faithful and reminding me of His righteousness daily. More reflection happened on April 2nd as I was driving from New York with two friends to go back Gordon Conwell. The snow had hit us pretty hard, and it just so happened that it would be snowing
Upon the drive back and more reflection on my own, I realized just how much God could have been teaching me through this. I definitely think that there is an aspect of humility. I had taken pride in driving manual, and was also judging the other drivers that were slowly making their way through the storm on the day of the drive. Lo and behold, as I was joking about them, I ended up in a car accident myself. Another lesson that I think God brought across in my mind was how I had taken this car for granted. When I was first blessed with this car, I remember how much God had provided in my time of need, and how blessed I was to be able to bless other people by driving them around. I definitely appreciated and was thankful for the car. But somehow, somewhere down the line, I started to desire and want a better car. I was happy with mine, but not satisfied. I started desiring newer, better, shinier, and started taking my car for granted. I definitely believe the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. It has been something I have struggled with all my life, but what I failed to realize once again, was that this also was a blessing. The giving was a blessing, but the taking away also was one. I was once again reminded of the fact that God protects and provides. The last lesson that I gleaned so far was that God was reminding me to trust and rely on Him for the future. I barely even know what is going to happen today, much less one year from now. I had been totally stressing and worrying about the future, and all that might happen, that I forgot to consider and think about today and right now. I almost forgot to recognize and notice how much God had been working in me already, and that He without a doubt will stay faithful in the future as well!
So the million dollar question of what happened during the crash. So basically, I was driving on the highway and the snow conditions were pretty bad. I was probably going around 60ish miles in Connecticut when the car in front of me starts slowing down out of nowhere. I follow suit and start applying the brakes as well to match his deceleration. Now you can imagine that while driving and suddenly slowing down, my car was pretty close to his. Suddenly that car switched lanes to the right lane while I just kept slowly braking. As soon as he left my lane, I saw that there was a car completely stopped right in front of me, and before I could react, I pressed hard on the brake, but was not able to stop the car, and smashed straight into the car in front of me. The airbags deployed, and I remember the horrible smoke that was starting to fill the car. I immediately got out of the car and went to help my two passengers as well as telling the person in the car in front of me to call the police. I do not know what happened, but there are two stories so far. One is that I hit the car in front of me, propelling it forward to also crash into the car in front of her. The other story told by the car all the way in the front was that she felt two impacts, one from the middle car that I hit, and another impact when I hit the middle car and propelled it forward. All I know is that the cars were completely stopped in the middle of the highway, and I could not react in time to stop. After the crash, my car was towed while my friends were taken to a hospital to be treated. Thankfully the truck driver dropped me off to rent a car, which I was then able to drive to pick up my friends from the hospital and then drive back to campus. It was a hectic day filled with craziness, and praise God for the safe trip back to school. Thankfully, no one was hurt except for my friend in the passenger seat who injured her hand and forehead. Now I am once again without a car, but I know that if God provided the first car, He will definitely provide again. Please keep me and my friends in your prayers.
