Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Winter is coming

The second semester has just about flown by, and there is less than one month left until the end of the semester. This semester has really flown by, especially with all that has been happening since the beginning. During my last post, I shared about how busy and stressed I was from all that was happening between life and school work. Since then, everything has been pretty smooth and I have found myself pacing life much better. School and ministry went hand in hand, and since the last update, I have had two breaks where I got to go home. To begin with, school has been pretty much the same. Hebrew takes up most of my time as usual, however it is nice to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My professor had also challenged us to meditate through Psalm 119 throughout the time we are taking Hebrew because of the way the Psalm is structured. It is actually an acrostic that has every 8 verses starting with the same letter in the alphabet. For example, the first 8 verses start with Alef, the next Bet, and so on and so forth until the whole alphabet is spelled out. Going through this Psalm has made a huge difference in my daily life. I had never really taken a lot of time to spend my morning meditation in the book of Psalms, but this was really encouraging and affirming. Reading through Psalm 119, I am constantly challenged by the Psalmist's desire to pursue God's commands and laws, and the Psalmist's willingness to surrender his insecurities and enemies into God's hands. Spending my morning with God has reminded me of the real focus in my life, and reminded me who I am really here for.

Besides Hebrew, my Project of Reconciliation class, like always has been a blessing and a curse in my life. It has been a blessing to challenge me in how I viewed things, but also a curse because now I cannot go back to being ignorant or nonchalant about the way things are. This class really taught me the importance of taking a step back from my own prejudices and viewing things from another person's perspective. Recently, our class had the time to dive into more controversial topics such as
LGBTQIA and Women in Leadership. Both topics usually raise brows in churches all around, and is a very common area of conflict. However, we were able to approach both of these topics in a way that we could share openly our thoughts, and also start on the process of understanding reconciliation. When it came to the topic of LGBTQIA, I realized that many times we shut down the opportunity for conversation by fear of jumping into something we don't understand. Instead of immediately blacklisting or writing it off as something overly important or not important at all, I believe there is a need to converse and understand. My professor really challenged us with the whole idea of loving people well. How loving are we being when we use the bible as a weapon to smack people in the face (figuratively, maybe some people literally). How are we to honestly say we love our neighbors when we aren't willing to converse with them and hear them out without our own prejudices and fears? When it came to the topic of Women in Leadership, I was challenged with the definitions of the words Complementarian and egalitarian. Both of these words are thrown around in Christian circles to define their view on whether women are allowed to take leadership positions. However, after defining them, we realized that instead of the "binary" way that we view the two words, they actually can go together. As one colleague put it, Egalitarian seems to point to ontology while Complementarian spoke to function. The two were not necessarily mutually exclusive, but as we inserted societal culture and politics to it, they formed opposing meanings. This really opened my eyes, not necessarily to choosing a camp to side with, but to have a better understanding of just how easy it is for us to misinterpret and pervert situations or words. (My own views on the above topics have been withheld from this blog, but please feel free to ask me about them at any time :).) 

My Preaching class has also been a huge blessing in my life. Honestly, the reason I was most afraid of stepping into this semester was because I knew I would be taking preaching classes and I would have to stand in front of my classmates and preach. The thought terrified me, which might seem strange for those who know me. I am without a doubt a major extrovert, but I don't necessarily like to
be in the center of attention. I enjoy being with people and being loud, but I much prefer to be acknowledged as present than to be the center of attention. I think I also had a fear of being judged by those whom I knew were brilliant and much more talented in public speaking than I was. I couldn't get over my pride and fear, but as my professor taught the class, he encouraged us and really broke down for us what it meant to preach. He also kept our class super interactive and practical which helped a lot, I mean, we literally played charades in class to show how important our facial expressions and non-verbal actions are. The professor made preaching seem fun and approachable. He also opened the floor with an immense amount of grace which eased our minds about forgetting our points as we preached. Our goal was to preach one 8 minute sermon and one 15 minute sermon. My first sermon was on Romans 12:1-2 which my focus was on living a life Holy and Pleasing to God. My second sermon was on John 3:16-21, and the focus was on recognizing God's love for us. Since this was my first time preaching ever, I was still scared and it seems that fear really helped me turn to others for prayer, and also made me recognize once again, the importance of prayer. I once again recognized the power of prayer as not only an opportunity to speak and ask God for assistance, but as a means to be affirmed by Him and to surrender/submit myself into His hands.

Speaking of prayer, one thing that happened over my second reading week back in New York left me dumbfounded by the power of communal prayer. My girlfriend had previously made a plan with her family to celebrate her dad's birthday at Peter Lutger steakhouse on the Saturday after I got back from school. Everything was going according to plan, when suddenly in the beginning of the week, everything changed. Conflict arose between her parents, which left her family stressed and depressed. Unlike regular arguments that usually resulted in passive aggressive action and verbal attacks, this
She loves the dog more than me
one conflict seemed to be worse. There was more passive aggression than ever before, and this happened to the point where none of us knew how to handle it. The situation reached a climax when Visalia's mother considered leaving because of the way her husband was treating her. Right when all seemed helpless, Visalia decided to open up her struggle to the community. She asked earnestly for prayer and shared her burden and struggle with those who were willing to pray for her. The community of God really stood together on this, as friends of past and present responded to her call for prayer. The next day, Visalia left noticing the tense atmosphere in her house, not knowing what to think and fearing for the worst. At the end of the day, her mom messaged her and told her that "it's ok, everything is fine now." Somehow, some way, her parents had reconciled after a long week of intense conflict. To this day, it shocks me just how powerful the effect of prayer is, and the promise that God has given to hear and bring about His work! I can't say for certain that God will always answer as straightforward or optimal as it did this time, but this situation really reminded me of His willingness to stand by us in our time of struggle, and the community He places by our side to fight with us through life.

Besides my classes, leading fellowship at CBCGB has been a blessed time. I was given the chance to lead prayer night again, to which I led an activity for the members to encourage one another. There is something about being able to thank someone for them being a blessing in our lives that humbles us and reminds us of God's blessings in our lives. I have also been blessed with the opportunity to go on a trip with Visalia and her best friend and her boyfriend. The trip was really refreshing and fun as
well as filled my belly to brim with delicious food from Pennsylvania. We went on adventures throughout Philly as well as watch the Miracle of Christmas at Sight and Sound Theater. We also went to Hershey Park and rode on rides without waiting for rides. Overall, this was a time filled with laughter, fun and food; but most importantly, it was great fellowship. There was something about being able to go on a trip with a group of friends that could have fun together and eat together, but also share and challenge each other on our theology. There haven't been many opportunities that this happened so organically except when I had went on Mission trips or during Seminary. It was refreshing and encouraging to know that this could happen even in the world outside of Seminary, which has been something that had cast a shadow over my heart. It seems as though time is moving really quickly, and the time where I will be out of Seminary and into another place where God is calling me to is happening very soon. I have kept half a mind worrying about it, but the other half recognizing God's providence all throughout my life, and reminding myself to let that come as it comes, and to prepare and be faithful where He has placed me now!

To end off my blog as usual, I'd like to share what's been on my heart recently. As I've been processing through life this semester, I've had more time to think about the reason I do things and fears/insecurities I may have had throughout my life. One thing has always been performance. During my undergrad years, I was always pouring out and always reaching out to people with fervor. As
First time making Golden Curry ^^
some would call it, I was definitely "on fire for the Lord." I can't say that ever since, I haven't had that fire, but it has been different. I have found that I don't always desire to reach out as much as I did in the past, and I just did not have the kind of fire that I thought I used to have. I would beat myself up over the fact that; here I am in seminary, but I was not pouring out enough or as wholeheartedly as I thought I should have. Yesterday as I was eating curry with a friend, I realized that I in the past years I had done a lot of pouring out, and not so much allowing to be poured into. I was so focused on loving well, that I forgot that it was okay to be loved as well. During the time in Seminary, it has definitely been an abundance of the latter, where I felt loved by God and the community around me. I came to terms that; yes, there are times to pour out, but there are also times to be poured into. Instead of beating myself up about always needing to pour out, sometimes God calls us into a place of rest and peace with Him. That's where I think I was, and it makes so much sense as to how I have been feeling recently. After recognizing this, I am learning the the necessity of balancing the two and learning how to best love others from a God who loves us!