Crazy First Month

My first month back in Gordon Conwell, for my Spring Semester, has been one heck of a roller-

coaster ride. There were good times and bad times, but most of all there was a lot of times where I

just did not know what was happening. To start it off, no semester in Seminary is complete without a long struggle with a biblical language. This semester's struggle was Hebrew! After finishing up Greek last year, I went into Hebrew semi-confident, but that confidence was thrown right out the window. Within the first few weeks, I was completely overwhelmed with all the vocabulary and rules that came with them. To me, they all looked like squiggly lines and dots that just randomly connected together. Now, after a month or so of learning it, Hebrew has definitely become more familiar, but in no way has it become a breeze. Just like Greek, every day is Greek day, the same is true for Hebrew. Unless I spend time on it daily, it all goes over my head. My other classes on the other hand are not terrible. My Preaching course has actually been a real blast... am I allowed to say that school is fun?? Because that class really is. Besides the fact that I am terrified of the idea of having to stand in front of a bunch of people and preach in the future, I will soon have to preach in front of my classmates an 8 minute sermon, and a 15 minute sermon. Besides that fear, our professor has made the idea of preaching enjoyable and understandable. We have been learning very practical things about preaching as well as having the opportunity to practice in class. Just this Monday, we actually played charades in class, in order to emphasize the importance of our body language and facial expressions as we preach. 

My other two classes are Church History to the Reformation and Project of Reconciliation. I was never really great at history... so that class kind of goes over my head. I do enjoy the readings by the early church fathers, and am gleaning a lot more from that then from my lectures. Project of Reconciliation on the other hand has been a wonderful class. I am constantly challenged and having

my thoughts renewed as we talk more and more about the idea of reconciliation. The last few weeks, we have been reading books that deal more so with culture, race and church; and it has all been very eye opening for me. I personally find it hard to relate whenever people talk about racism or the oppressive force of "white privilege." I never really understood the pain that other people went through, and part of me even falls for the belief that people just need to suck it up and move on. I realized that being Asian American, we have a very strong "suck-it-up-and-move-along" attitude which doesn't make us immune to racism, but doesn't let us dwell on or deal with it directly. I realized that we much rather work harder and try harder to overcome issues then to question and challenge the root of the problems. I can't say I 100% agree with all the uprisings and protests going on, but I definitely have a much better understanding of it. I always had a rather harsh view on African Americans and the whole movement that was started, but after taking a step back and recognizing the pain and hurt that they come from, I can see how I have only been viewing things from my own lens. It is easy to say that it makes no sense for them to complain and just work harder from my lens, but in their eyes, their situation or circumstances might actually hinder them from moving forward. I found the need to apologize for my ignorance and that there is much work to be done in the process of reconciliation. I definitely think being aware of it is a very great first step, and I hope that God continues to teach me and us how to seek actual reconciliation instead of point fingers or retaliate with hatred. 

Now onto the hard part of this semester. During my first week back, everything was going as I expected a normal semester to go. Classes were hard, but they weren't impossible. I was enjoying being back in seminary and seeing all my old friends, managing my classes, and having my weekly talks with Visalia. Everything changed when that Thursday of my second week I received devastating

news. I was on the phone at night with Visalia when I suddenly got notifications from another friend to start praying for our friend. We weren't given any information on what was happening, but as the night progressed, we soon received the horrifying news that our friend's mother had passed away in an accident. What I thought was just gonna be a normal semester changed from that point on. Besides being devastated, shocked, and completely overwhelmed myself, I could only imagine how much harder it must have been for my friends and his family. I did what I could to support them for the next two weekends, as I went back to New York to support them and just be there for them. I honestly didn't know what else to do, and me and my friends have hence since been praying for and walking with them. I thank God for I know that she is with Him now, but I can't even imagine the pain and the confusion that is in her family's heart. I don't think I have ever lost someone close enough to me that I recognized a difference. I think I've always attended funerals of people who I either saw once a year, or not even that, but this time was different. I had a close relationship with my friend's mother. She had always taken care of our group of friends, and opened up her house to us. Even though she never had much, she shared from the little she had and made sure we were always well cared for and fed. She always had an energy about her as she greeted me and never once ceased to share her warmth and love for Jesus with me. She was also one heck of a prayer warrior. If there is one person in the world that I know was always praying for literally every family at my church... it would be her. When we were younger, she would gather us together to pray for those around us, and the stupid me of the past never saw the beauty in a life of prayer, but now I am finally starting to see it. Even though I'm at seminary, I find it hard to sit still and pray for over an hour, but she was willing to pray for hours and for all those around her. On another note, it was really amazing seeing the church come together to support this tragedy. English and Chinese, both together, ready to support the family and help with all the situations. I think this really speaks volumes to the kind of woman that she was, and also the care and community that God intended the church to have for each other and those around us. I pray that my friends and I continue to walk with her family and encourage them daily. I pray that they continue to seek the Lord and as we all remember the life that she lived for the Lord, that we learn to model that!

The fourth week of September was a retreat with Cross Bridge. This was my third retreat this summer, and I thoroughly love retreats, but this was quite a lot of retreats! This was also my first retreat with the entire English congregation at Cross Bridge so I was looking forward to getting to know the different people at my church. The speaker was also my spiritual formation professor from Gordon Conwell, and if you've read my previous blogs from last year, I'm sure you know how good that class was for the formation of my spirit. There was just so many things to look forward to at this

retreat, and I think God really moved in many hearts there. I was a small group leader, so I had the blessing to lead a group in discussions and processing the sermon. The speaker went through many different things about spiritual formation, and the biggest point that I believe he made was about holiness. He taught and reminded us that we were called to Holiness, and that as we accept Jesus as our Lord and savior, we have been deemed and called Holy, set-apart. The fact that Holiness is not just something that we can accomplish or work towards, but right from the start, God has already set us apart for Himself. There was something revelatory about Holiness not being something that we can accomplish or work harder to achieve, but was a fact that was already imparted on us. Holiness was a status of being, and not one of doing, and I think that really set many people free, especially in a Chinese Christian context where we easily try to work towards things. I believe that this retreat really helped put people and their relationship with God in perspective. Many people usually struggle with Matthew 5:48 "You therefore must be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect," and that call for moral or personal perfection. Firstly, we separate perfection from holiness, as the two are not necessarily equivalent. Secondly, that verse in context talks about a perfection that stems in the love of our enemies and those around us, being perfect in love. This was really freeing for many at church, and even for me to remember that and be reminded to not only just work work work work work.

The following week stretched into October where I had the wonderful opportunity to go back to NY to celebrate my birthday with my friends, and spend some time back at home. The last few weeks had been super draining spiritually, physically and emotionally; I was commuting back and forth between NY and MA on the weekends, and had fallen behind in my work. I really enjoyed the time back at

home to just relax, rest and enjoy some time with my friends and family (even though my parents completely left me and my brothers alone to go party in China -.-). I was able to take time to catch up with friends again and to relax and relieve some of my stress through basketball (though... I've become too fat...). During my time back, my car actually, for some reason, wouldn't start on Wednesday, and I started panicking. I had just switched out my start earlier in the year, but it seemed like a similar issue was happening with the car not starting. Thankfully, God blessed me with assistance through Visalia's dad knowing a good mechanic nearby, and the problem was dealt with. I was really thankful and appreciative of his assistance, and also at how well God had timed that. If this had happened on the day that I had to drive back up to Gordon Conwell, I would have probably flipped out and not known what to do. That

I found this noob hiding between the wall
and couch

was definitely a blessing in disguise, and once again reminded me of how blessed I was to even have the car itself. Anyway, that week ended, and when I came back up to school, I realized that I had work that was not done, and had to rush to finish it... Finally though, I am now relatively caught up with things and ready to tackle the semester again and to whole-heartedly serve at my church's young adult fellowship.