Christmas, New Year, Youth Ministry Class

It has been two really fast months that just zoomed by. I finished my third semester, and am now halfway done with seminary, celebrated Christmas with my family, celebrated New Years with a bunch of childhood friends from church, took a youth ministry class, and spent lots of time with my friends and family back at home. Towards the beginning of December, was basically crunch time for me to get all my work done and to prep for the few finals that I had had. Thankfully, I was able to get all my work done on time and finished off pretty strong. Nothing really notable had happened besides a few fun study nights and a short visit from Visalia. We spent a few days going around Boston and going to church to meet my church friends at Cross Bridge. It was a nice time of rest and fun after a long hard year. We went back to New York where I spent the next two weeks just enjoying being home and spending time with my family. My dad had gone to Panama for a mission trip which meant it was my job to drive my mother to and from the train station. Because of that, I had more time to spend at home with my family and more time to just eat with them and spend quality time with them. This was something I haven't really done since ... who knows when, so it was really nice to just spend some time with my family. We had a nice Christmas dinner with soooo much food. Honestly, I let myself go during the short two weeks that I was back and definitely gained a bunch of weight. It was totally worth it though, to spend the time with family and to get fat.

During New Years, my childhood friends from church and I went over to our friends house for two nights. This was really special because such a gathering hadn't happened in a long while because, as we all graduated from college, we started going off into different states to do work, so it was just really nice to be able to spend a few days with them. The best part of this sleepover wasn't just the

fun that we had from sharing and catching up, but our intentionality to pray for each other and really take the time to be in each other's lives. I really enjoyed just talking with, listening to and praying for people I've known for so long. Before heading back up to Gordon Conwell for my winter class, we were struck with the Bomb-Cyclone. New York wasn't hit too bad, but it was bad enough that many flights had to be canceled. One of my classmates had intended to fly out of JFK the morning of the storm, but instead ended up being stuck in the airport after a sudden canceling of her flight an hour after it was supposed to depart. Long story short, me and my dad embarked on a rescue mission to bring her back and in the process found one of my friends that had also unknowingly ended up stranded at JFK as well. It was a surprise and definitely a blessing because I was just walking around the airport and my friend just so happened to turn around and catch a glimpse of me walking by. I guess, everything happens for a reason, and who knew, me and my dad ended up with an extra passenger to bring with us.

Soon after the storm, when the roads seemed clearer, I had to head back up to Gordon Conwell for my winter class. Initially I wasn't really looking forward to the class I was taking. I had wanted to get into pastoral ministry, but because I was late and could not register in time, I could not get into that class. Then I saw that there was a family sociology class and wanted to take that, and after asking for permission to take that class (it was a MACO(counseling) class), I was permitted to. However, shortly after, as I tried to follow up with the professor to sign up for the class, I received no response, and so I checked to try and register for my class, only to realize that the class had been unknowingly canceled. I was surprised and realized that now I needed a new class. The class I registered for had caught my attention at first, but when checking the syllabus, I had seen the extensive amount of

pre/post-class reading and work that I had to do, so I was hesitant... but now I didn't really have a choice. As I started to do the pre-class reading, I was captivated by how relevant and intriguing the information was. The first book I read was "iGen" by Jean M. Twinge. This book basically went through a statistical analysis of the youths/teens of today. The book emphasized the point that the teens nowadays are nothing like the teens we were or that we grew up with because of the whole iphone/internet era that was upon us now. Twinge labeled the generation from 1995-Present as being the iGeneration which had easy access to iphones and the internet. This book gave a great overview on the statistic of youths nowadays and how they fared against youths before their generation, and the gap was quite substantial. Whether it be the percentage of youths being engaged in sexual activity or youths and their religious affiliations, the percentage was going down. I enjoyed this book because it gave a very impartial and neutral view into the life of the youths nowadays, instead of blaming them for destroying everything that was set up by the prior generation. Twenge took the opportunity to dive into different reasons that the percentages could be so different in comparison to the past, and usually concluded with the possibility that with the uprising of the iphones and internet, that the changes were a result of it. She didn't say whether it was necessarily good or bad, but left that open to discussion. Many times, this generation gets bashed for how bad or untamed it might be, but surprisingly, things like sexual activity has actually gone done since the past; but of course, there is a lot more behind the scenes which she also talks about. Just from this book alone, I was hooked and excited/looking forward to diving into the class. There were several more books that I had to read before and during the class, each of which were amazing and brought a lot of insight and guidance to youth ministry, but the "iGen" book definitely stuck out the most.

Upon starting the class, I was once again thoroughly shocked by the content and practicality of things I was learning. From a class that was on the bottom of my list to sign up for, it immediately jumped up to one of the best classes I had taken in Gordon Conwell. I was not only intrigued and pumped to be learning so much, I was also filled with a fire to put some of this information into action. There was also just so much that I was brought to think and reflect on about the youth culture that we were faced with nowadays, and how to tackle/come along side it. Some of the most memorable things that we talked about was: the increased desire of adolescents nowadays to have security and control, the importance of the role of parents in a youths spiritual development, the distinction between adult and adolescent, some practical tools for doing youth ministry. In particular, the transition from child -> youth/adolescent -> Adult, stood out the most to me. This was something that I had found myself talking with several other people about prior to this class, so suddenly having this topic brought up made me feel like the Holy Spirit was working some funny business up in here. Anywho, we first dependent, whether on parents or guardians. In youth/adolescent period the person is independent, able to make their own choices and live by themselves. Upon adulthood the person is interdependent, learning how to depend on others and at the same time have people depend on them. Basically being able to be responsible and care for others as well as understand their own need to rely on others in things. This was such an affirming answer because I had been struggling myself with understanding this concept for a while. The fact that adulthood did not mean I could just go off and live my own life, but that there was so much more than just myself to worry about. I feel that our culture has created a generation of youths and young adults that believe that if they move away from their parents and/or make their own decisions, they are adults, but in reality, they are still stuck in this extended adolescent period. There was so much more that the class had taught that I am still reflecting over and learning about, feel free to hit me up and pick my brain about it :).

discussed the fact how nowadays the youth/adolescent period has been extended well beyond what it used to be. The age at which a child reaches puberty to step into this time period, and the point where he exits it when the society around them starts to view them as an adult, has been stretched much wider than it once was. Before the 1900's the average age of puberty was around 14.5, and adulthood viewed to be around age 16. This was a mere 1.5 years on average that youths remained youths, but now, in 2018, the average age of puberty is around 11.7, and the age that society views them as adults, at least in America, is closer to the mid 20's. Just taking into consideration the age they need to be to vote, drink, drive by themselves, rent a car by themselves... our society has pushed adulthood later and later. That's when we really dove into the question when my professor asked: at what point does a youth go from adolescence to adulthood? Not taking into account the age, because nowadays, there are many people older than their early 20's that still act like adolescents. As we split off into groups to discuss this, we reached a conclusion. Most people in our society nowadays views adulthood as being independent. When one can "take care of themselves," they consider themselves an adult. When they can: pay their own bills, live by themselves, make their own decisions for themselves, that is when they think they are an adult. In class we settled at a different answer separating the answer into three stages. During childhood the

person is

During the class, I had been eating healthy all week because of how "free" I was being about eating the weeks before. I ate salads everyday with an orange for dinner, and for lunch I'd have a salad and a yogurt. Life was tough XD, but I definitely felt the difference from eating that and eating fatty food the two weeks prior. After the class, I head back home for another week and a half to really rest up before starting my spring semester, being back, I had more time to spend with my family and friends, and even had the chance to talk with some of my old friends about a retreat they had gone on. I also got to watch my first Broadway show Aladdin, which was pretty awesome. I will say I liked Sight and Sound shows more, but this was definitely an amazing must see show as well :). Overall these last two weeks had been pretty good and well needed as a rest before stepping into another busy semester. Now, the things that have been on my heart most recently are the reality of pastoral ministry coming closer and closer and a

plea for clarity and guidance towards future ministry. Now that seminary is halfway through, I cannot deny the fact that I need to start thinking more and more about where/who I might feel God calling me to serve and the reality of being a pastor. The weight of being a pastor seems to gradually be getting heavier and heavier, and though I can't really say I am fearful of what is to come, but I am anxious. I am excited to start my ministry, excited to go back into serving instead of just taking classes about it, but I am also nervous about performance and expectations. I know that everything will ultimately be in God's hands, and He has shown me time and time again that He provides abundantly and guides me, but I can't help but feel the need to be better, to do well. Something to definitely keep me in prayer about is the future that is yet to come, and that I learn to surrender in obedience and remain faithful with where He has placed me.

Winter is coming

The second semester has just about flown by, and there is less than one month left until the end of the semester. This semester has really flown by, especially with all that has been happening since the beginning. During my last post, I shared about how busy and stressed I was from all that was happening between life and school work. Since then, everything has been pretty smooth and I have found myself pacing life much better. School and ministry went hand in hand, and since the last update, I have had two breaks where I got to go home. To begin with, school has been pretty much the same. Hebrew takes up most of my time as usual, however it is nice to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My professor had also challenged us to meditate through Psalm 119 throughout the time we are taking Hebrew because of the way the Psalm is structured. It is actually an acrostic that has every 8 verses starting with the same letter in the alphabet. For example, the first 8 verses start with Alef, the next Bet, and so on and so forth until the whole alphabet is spelled out. Going through this Psalm has made a huge difference in my daily life. I had never really taken a lot of time to spend my morning meditation in the book of Psalms, but this was really encouraging and affirming. Reading through Psalm 119, I am constantly challenged by the Psalmist's desire to pursue God's commands and laws, and the Psalmist's willingness to surrender his insecurities and enemies into God's hands. Spending my morning with God has reminded me of the real focus in my life, and reminded me who I am really here for.

Besides Hebrew, my Project of Reconciliation class, like always has been a blessing and a curse in my life. It has been a blessing to challenge me in how I viewed things, but also a curse because now I cannot go back to being ignorant or nonchalant about the way things are. This class really taught me the importance of taking a step back from my own prejudices and viewing things from another person's perspective. Recently, our class had the time to dive into more controversial topics such as
LGBTQIA and Women in Leadership. Both topics usually raise brows in churches all around, and is a very common area of conflict. However, we were able to approach both of these topics in a way that we could share openly our thoughts, and also start on the process of understanding reconciliation. When it came to the topic of LGBTQIA, I realized that many times we shut down the opportunity for conversation by fear of jumping into something we don't understand. Instead of immediately blacklisting or writing it off as something overly important or not important at all, I believe there is a need to converse and understand. My professor really challenged us with the whole idea of loving people well. How loving are we being when we use the bible as a weapon to smack people in the face (figuratively, maybe some people literally). How are we to honestly say we love our neighbors when we aren't willing to converse with them and hear them out without our own prejudices and fears? When it came to the topic of Women in Leadership, I was challenged with the definitions of the words Complementarian and egalitarian. Both of these words are thrown around in Christian circles to define their view on whether women are allowed to take leadership positions. However, after defining them, we realized that instead of the "binary" way that we view the two words, they actually can go together. As one colleague put it, Egalitarian seems to point to ontology while Complementarian spoke to function. The two were not necessarily mutually exclusive, but as we inserted societal culture and politics to it, they formed opposing meanings. This really opened my eyes, not necessarily to choosing a camp to side with, but to have a better understanding of just how easy it is for us to misinterpret and pervert situations or words. (My own views on the above topics have been withheld from this blog, but please feel free to ask me about them at any time :).) 

My Preaching class has also been a huge blessing in my life. Honestly, the reason I was most afraid of stepping into this semester was because I knew I would be taking preaching classes and I would have to stand in front of my classmates and preach. The thought terrified me, which might seem strange for those who know me. I am without a doubt a major extrovert, but I don't necessarily like to

be in the center of attention. I enjoy being with people and being loud, but I much prefer to be acknowledged as present than to be the center of attention. I think I also had a fear of being judged by those whom I knew were brilliant and much more talented in public speaking than I was. I couldn't get over my pride and fear, but as my professor taught the class, he encouraged us and really broke down for us what it meant to preach. He also kept our class super interactive and practical which helped a lot, I mean, we literally played charades in class to show how important our facial expressions and non-verbal actions are. The professor made preaching seem fun and approachable. He also opened the floor with an immense amount of grace which eased our minds about forgetting our points as we preached. Our goal was to preach one 8 minute sermon and one 15 minute sermon. My first sermon was on Romans 12:1-2 which my focus was on living a life Holy and Pleasing to God. My second sermon was on John 3:16-21, and the focus was on recognizing God's love for us. Since this was my first time preaching ever, I was still scared and it seems that fear really helped me turn to others for prayer, and also made me recognize once again, the importance of prayer. I once again recognized the power of prayer as not only an opportunity to speak and ask God for assistance, but as a means to be affirmed by Him and to surrender/submit myself into His hands.

Speaking of prayer, one thing that happened over my second reading week back in New York left me dumbfounded by the power of communal prayer. My girlfriend had previously made a plan with her family to celebrate her dad's birthday at Peter Lutger steakhouse on the Saturday after I got back from school. Everything was going according to plan, when suddenly in the beginning of the week, everything changed. Conflict arose between her parents, which left her family stressed and depressed. Unlike regular arguments that usually resulted in passive aggressive action and verbal attacks, this

She loves the dog more than me

one conflict seemed to be worse. There was more passive aggression than ever before, and this happened to the point where none of us knew how to handle it. The situation reached a climax when Visalia's mother considered leaving because of the way her husband was treating her. Right when all seemed helpless, Visalia decided to open up her struggle to the community. She asked earnestly for prayer and shared her burden and struggle with those who were willing to pray for her. The community of God really stood together on this, as friends of past and present responded to her call for prayer. The next day, Visalia left noticing the tense atmosphere in her house, not knowing what to think and fearing for the worst. At the end of the day, her mom messaged her and told her that "it's ok, everything is fine now." Somehow, some way, her parents had reconciled after a long week of intense conflict. To this day, it shocks me just how powerful the effect of prayer is, and the promise that God has given to hear and bring about His work! I can't say for certain that God will always answer as straightforward or optimal as it did this time, but this situation really reminded me of His willingness to stand by us in our time of struggle, and the community He places by our side to fight with us through life.

Besides my classes, leading fellowship at CBCGB has been a blessed time. I was given the chance to lead prayer night again, to which I led an activity for the members to encourage one another. There is something about being able to thank someone for them being a blessing in our lives that humbles us and reminds us of God's blessings in our lives. I have also been blessed with the opportunity to go on a trip with Visalia and her best friend and her boyfriend. The trip was really refreshing and fun as

well as filled my belly to brim with delicious food from Pennsylvania. We went on adventures throughout Philly as well as watch the Miracle of Christmas at Sight and Sound Theater. We also went to Hershey Park and rode on rides without waiting for rides. Overall, this was a time filled with laughter, fun and food; but most importantly, it was great fellowship. There was something about being able to go on a trip with a group of friends that could have fun together and eat together, but also share and challenge each other on our theology. There haven't been many opportunities that this happened so organically except when I had went on Mission trips or during Seminary. It was refreshing and encouraging to know that this could happen even in the world outside of Seminary, which has been something that had cast a shadow over my heart. It seems as though time is moving really quickly, and the time where I will be out of Seminary and into another place where God is calling me to is happening very soon. I have kept half a mind worrying about it, but the other half recognizing God's providence all throughout my life, and reminding myself to let that come as it comes, and to prepare and be faithful where He has placed me now!

To end off my blog as usual, I'd like to share what's been on my heart recently. As I've been processing through life this semester, I've had more time to think about the reason I do things and fears/insecurities I may have had throughout my life. One thing has always been performance. During my undergrad years, I was always pouring out and always reaching out to people with fervor. As

First time making Golden Curry ^^

some would call it, I was definitely "on fire for the Lord." I can't say that ever since, I haven't had that fire, but it has been different. I have found that I don't always desire to reach out as much as I did in the past, and I just did not have the kind of fire that I thought I used to have. I would beat myself up over the fact that; here I am in seminary, but I was not pouring out enough or as wholeheartedly as I thought I should have. Yesterday as I was eating curry with a friend, I realized that I in the past years I had done a lot of pouring out, and not so much allowing to be poured into. I was so focused on loving well, that I forgot that it was okay to be loved as well. During the time in Seminary, it has definitely been an abundance of the latter, where I felt loved by God and the community around me. I came to terms that; yes, there are times to pour out, but there are also times to be poured into. Instead of beating myself up about always needing to pour out, sometimes God calls us into a place of rest and peace with Him. That's where I think I was, and it makes so much sense as to how I have been feeling recently. After recognizing this, I am learning the the necessity of balancing the two and learning how to best love others from a God who loves us!

Crazy First Month

My first month back in Gordon Conwell, for my Spring Semester, has been one heck of a roller-

coaster ride. There were good times and bad times, but most of all there was a lot of times where I

just did not know what was happening. To start it off, no semester in Seminary is complete without a long struggle with a biblical language. This semester's struggle was Hebrew! After finishing up Greek last year, I went into Hebrew semi-confident, but that confidence was thrown right out the window. Within the first few weeks, I was completely overwhelmed with all the vocabulary and rules that came with them. To me, they all looked like squiggly lines and dots that just randomly connected together. Now, after a month or so of learning it, Hebrew has definitely become more familiar, but in no way has it become a breeze. Just like Greek, every day is Greek day, the same is true for Hebrew. Unless I spend time on it daily, it all goes over my head. My other classes on the other hand are not terrible. My Preaching course has actually been a real blast... am I allowed to say that school is fun?? Because that class really is. Besides the fact that I am terrified of the idea of having to stand in front of a bunch of people and preach in the future, I will soon have to preach in front of my classmates an 8 minute sermon, and a 15 minute sermon. Besides that fear, our professor has made the idea of preaching enjoyable and understandable. We have been learning very practical things about preaching as well as having the opportunity to practice in class. Just this Monday, we actually played charades in class, in order to emphasize the importance of our body language and facial expressions as we preach. 

My other two classes are Church History to the Reformation and Project of Reconciliation. I was never really great at history... so that class kind of goes over my head. I do enjoy the readings by the early church fathers, and am gleaning a lot more from that then from my lectures. Project of Reconciliation on the other hand has been a wonderful class. I am constantly challenged and having

my thoughts renewed as we talk more and more about the idea of reconciliation. The last few weeks, we have been reading books that deal more so with culture, race and church; and it has all been very eye opening for me. I personally find it hard to relate whenever people talk about racism or the oppressive force of "white privilege." I never really understood the pain that other people went through, and part of me even falls for the belief that people just need to suck it up and move on. I realized that being Asian American, we have a very strong "suck-it-up-and-move-along" attitude which doesn't make us immune to racism, but doesn't let us dwell on or deal with it directly. I realized that we much rather work harder and try harder to overcome issues then to question and challenge the root of the problems. I can't say I 100% agree with all the uprisings and protests going on, but I definitely have a much better understanding of it. I always had a rather harsh view on African Americans and the whole movement that was started, but after taking a step back and recognizing the pain and hurt that they come from, I can see how I have only been viewing things from my own lens. It is easy to say that it makes no sense for them to complain and just work harder from my lens, but in their eyes, their situation or circumstances might actually hinder them from moving forward. I found the need to apologize for my ignorance and that there is much work to be done in the process of reconciliation. I definitely think being aware of it is a very great first step, and I hope that God continues to teach me and us how to seek actual reconciliation instead of point fingers or retaliate with hatred. 

Now onto the hard part of this semester. During my first week back, everything was going as I expected a normal semester to go. Classes were hard, but they weren't impossible. I was enjoying being back in seminary and seeing all my old friends, managing my classes, and having my weekly talks with Visalia. Everything changed when that Thursday of my second week I received devastating

news. I was on the phone at night with Visalia when I suddenly got notifications from another friend to start praying for our friend. We weren't given any information on what was happening, but as the night progressed, we soon received the horrifying news that our friend's mother had passed away in an accident. What I thought was just gonna be a normal semester changed from that point on. Besides being devastated, shocked, and completely overwhelmed myself, I could only imagine how much harder it must have been for my friends and his family. I did what I could to support them for the next two weekends, as I went back to New York to support them and just be there for them. I honestly didn't know what else to do, and me and my friends have hence since been praying for and walking with them. I thank God for I know that she is with Him now, but I can't even imagine the pain and the confusion that is in her family's heart. I don't think I have ever lost someone close enough to me that I recognized a difference. I think I've always attended funerals of people who I either saw once a year, or not even that, but this time was different. I had a close relationship with my friend's mother. She had always taken care of our group of friends, and opened up her house to us. Even though she never had much, she shared from the little she had and made sure we were always well cared for and fed. She always had an energy about her as she greeted me and never once ceased to share her warmth and love for Jesus with me. She was also one heck of a prayer warrior. If there is one person in the world that I know was always praying for literally every family at my church... it would be her. When we were younger, she would gather us together to pray for those around us, and the stupid me of the past never saw the beauty in a life of prayer, but now I am finally starting to see it. Even though I'm at seminary, I find it hard to sit still and pray for over an hour, but she was willing to pray for hours and for all those around her. On another note, it was really amazing seeing the church come together to support this tragedy. English and Chinese, both together, ready to support the family and help with all the situations. I think this really speaks volumes to the kind of woman that she was, and also the care and community that God intended the church to have for each other and those around us. I pray that my friends and I continue to walk with her family and encourage them daily. I pray that they continue to seek the Lord and as we all remember the life that she lived for the Lord, that we learn to model that!

The fourth week of September was a retreat with Cross Bridge. This was my third retreat this summer, and I thoroughly love retreats, but this was quite a lot of retreats! This was also my first retreat with the entire English congregation at Cross Bridge so I was looking forward to getting to know the different people at my church. The speaker was also my spiritual formation professor from Gordon Conwell, and if you've read my previous blogs from last year, I'm sure you know how good that class was for the formation of my spirit. There was just so many things to look forward to at this

retreat, and I think God really moved in many hearts there. I was a small group leader, so I had the blessing to lead a group in discussions and processing the sermon. The speaker went through many different things about spiritual formation, and the biggest point that I believe he made was about holiness. He taught and reminded us that we were called to Holiness, and that as we accept Jesus as our Lord and savior, we have been deemed and called Holy, set-apart. The fact that Holiness is not just something that we can accomplish or work towards, but right from the start, God has already set us apart for Himself. There was something revelatory about Holiness not being something that we can accomplish or work harder to achieve, but was a fact that was already imparted on us. Holiness was a status of being, and not one of doing, and I think that really set many people free, especially in a Chinese Christian context where we easily try to work towards things. I believe that this retreat really helped put people and their relationship with God in perspective. Many people usually struggle with Matthew 5:48 "You therefore must be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect," and that call for moral or personal perfection. Firstly, we separate perfection from holiness, as the two are not necessarily equivalent. Secondly, that verse in context talks about a perfection that stems in the love of our enemies and those around us, being perfect in love. This was really freeing for many at church, and even for me to remember that and be reminded to not only just work work work work work.

The following week stretched into October where I had the wonderful opportunity to go back to NY to celebrate my birthday with my friends, and spend some time back at home. The last few weeks had been super draining spiritually, physically and emotionally; I was commuting back and forth between NY and MA on the weekends, and had fallen behind in my work. I really enjoyed the time back at

home to just relax, rest and enjoy some time with my friends and family (even though my parents completely left me and my brothers alone to go party in China -.-). I was able to take time to catch up with friends again and to relax and relieve some of my stress through basketball (though... I've become too fat...). During my time back, my car actually, for some reason, wouldn't start on Wednesday, and I started panicking. I had just switched out my start earlier in the year, but it seemed like a similar issue was happening with the car not starting. Thankfully, God blessed me with assistance through Visalia's dad knowing a good mechanic nearby, and the problem was dealt with. I was really thankful and appreciative of his assistance, and also at how well God had timed that. If this had happened on the day that I had to drive back up to Gordon Conwell, I would have probably flipped out and not known what to do. That

I found this noob hiding between the wall
and couch

was definitely a blessing in disguise, and once again reminded me of how blessed I was to even have the car itself. Anyway, that week ended, and when I came back up to school, I realized that I had work that was not done, and had to rush to finish it... Finally though, I am now relatively caught up with things and ready to tackle the semester again and to whole-heartedly serve at my church's young adult fellowship.

End of One Year, Start of Another

My first year of seminary has ended, and the next one is right around the corner (tomorrow actually). Time has flown by so quickly; I don't think I am anywhere ready for this new year. The month of August has been a month filled with me driving more than I have ever done before. I drove back and forth from my School to New York at least 2 times, drove to hike Anthony's nose with Visalia, and drove to retreat with NYCAC. Needless to say, I am extremely grateful for the Lord blessing me with a car when I needed it, and for the friends that taught me and blessed me with the car. Anyway, so after my Exegesis of Mark class, I went back home for a week and a half to relax and rest. It has become more evident to me that although going home to rest is nice and all, I really am at my laziest when I am home. The short break at home ended quickly as I drove back up to school to help out with Summer Bridge at my church.

Summer Bridge was basically a collaboration between CBCGB and ACCESS which is an after-

school program in Boston. They have a summer school program for their students, and towards the end of the summer, the students will spend one week doing VBS at BCEC, and then sent up to us at CBCGB for a week. We take the chance to bring the students that are normally stuck in Boston and might not usually have a chance to experience the suburbs, on different trips. During the mornings we would have activities with the students with the goal of teaching them the topic for the year. This year, we focused on the idea of 'taking risks.' We wanted to encourage the kids to step outside of their comfort zones and to take risks. My class in particular honed in on a smaller, sub-theme; "it's okay to make mistakes." We wanted to encourage the students with the fact that mistakes were okay, and sometimes can even end up being something amazing. My lesson in particular was to build a tower using different materials. Each team could only send one member at a time to obtain a material to build their tower with, and they could only add on to what was already being built by their team without taking away from it. This encouraged the risk taking factor to be creative and also take materials that might not seem helpful at first. This activity also tried to highlight the theme of friends and a team that was willing to support you, and build on your mistakes and work together with you through them. Besides teaching them in the morning, in the afternoon we would take them on trips to different locations to let them experience the suburbs. We brought them to different large parks and playgrounds, blueberry picking, mini-golfing, and even to a farm! Our group also had the once-in-7-year chance to see the eclipse happening. Summer Bridge was a good opportunity for me to serve with my church, but also to get to know the people at CBCGB better, as well as get to know the ministries that they serve in and care for. Participating in this was something that I had to struggle with for a while. During my spring semester, when I heard about this opportunity, I was excited and couldn't wait to serve. But as summer hit, and I was back home relaxing, I almost couldn't fight the temptation to just stay in New York instead of making the extra commute back and forth between Gordon and New York. My laziness and comfort almost won over my heart to serve, and the things I had previously committed to!!

After Summer Bridge ended, I drove back to New York to celebrate Visalia's graduation. I had a good

time spending the day with her family, celebrating the work and effort that she had put in over this past year. During the time back at home, we also climbed Anthony's Nose together; which I thought would be easy, but I guess I am really out of shape and have been eating more than I have been exercising. Towards the end of August we were both blessed with the opportunity to attend the English Ministry Retreat with NYCAC. Earlier in the summer, I had been blessed with the opportunity to go on a retreat with Visalia's church and meet her church family. Now, it seems like we switched spots, and she had the chance to go on one with my church family. The theme of this retreat was unity. Our church was aiming to spend the time drawing closer to the Lord as one body in Christ, and I believe that this retreat was definitely a great start. During the retreat we had the usual small group, sermon, and activities time, but I think the one thing that stood out the most was the prayer partners time. The core team for the retreat basically paired everyone up with someone they wouldn't normally get to talk with, and gave them 30 minutes to an hour to just share and pray for one another. At first I thought this would be a little awkward, but as we stepped into this time, the Holy Spirit undoubtedly moved powerfully in the hearts of the people there. Not only were we all willing to pray for one another and share, most groups went well over the time alotted, and just enjoyed the presence of a fellow brother/sister in Christ. I personally think that I was blessed by the opportunity to learn about the lives of my fellow brothers in Christ whom I wouldn't have normally approached on my own. I pray that NYCAC continues to move forward with this wave, and keep working towards encouraging one another and reaching out into the community.

A day after the retreat, I drove back up to Gordon Conwell and started prepping for my classes. During this short time of prep, many new fears started surfacing. The biggest ones were my fear for my finances and my fear for the ministry that was about to embark. Last year, by the grace of God, I was able to pull through the year after different issues that had appeared with my support raising through Overflow ministries. That ministry has truly blessed me throughout the time I had partnered with them, and I know that I would not be where I am now without them. This year, I have to figure out something else, because that organization just so happened to close. I guess I never really had to worry too much about finances before, but now the task seems so daunting. I was always someone who valued people over money, and so I never really placed much thought on my financial standing, until now; having to live by myself and buy my own groceries, etc. I know that, through all my life, God has only shown His provision day by day, year by year, and that He will continue to provide: so please pray for courage on my part, and faithfulness, to not just sit on my butt, but to use my time and resources wisely. My other fear is the ministry that I will soon be stepping into. I am excited to step into pastoral ministry, but it is all still very scary to me. Especially now that I have to be taking my first preaching classes. I was never really great at public speaking, and a big part of me knows that I am actually not good at speaking in front of people. Please keep me in your prayers, as I know this is something that I will overcome through practice, and that the Lord will be working through whatever I may have to speak in the future!!

Lots of prayers please, and thank you so much for all the support throughout my first year. Please feel free to hit me up with prayer requests as well, as I would love to be keeping you in my prayers as well!

Summer~

July has come and gone, along with my short vacation back in NY. I am now back in Gordon Conwell, finishing up my second summer class (Exegesis of Mark). While back at home, as

We went to botanical garden, guess what, it's free on Tuesdays
so bring a friend or family member and head on over
(I feel like I'm advertising for them... maybe I'll get paid)

mentioned in the previous post, I had a lot of time to spend with friends and family. I also had the opportunity to teach one of the Sunday school classes going through an Old Testament Survey course. I was blessed with the chance to teach the book of Kings, which was chock-full of kings that were up to no good. Teaching the class gave me an opportunity to review for myself about the kings in the OT, and it really seems like you learn something much better after you have taught it. I also had time to spend a lot of time with Visalia, and that in itself was a new adventure. We had started off long distance, so we never had the opportunity to spend so much time together, since we started dating. There were new challenges that we noticed, and since there was more time spent together, that meant more opportunities for us to experience more of each other's quirks and shortcomings. As the time went on, we recognized more of how a relationship isn't all about fun and games, but there is the very real challenge that comes from learning to love a person, especially when it is between loving them or our own pride. We both struggled with it, but thankfully, God continued to remind us time and time again of His love, and where our focus needed to always be on!

I don't think he knows I'm using this photo
I don't even know if he knows I took it ^.^

While I was back home, I also had the opportunity to reconnect with my younger brother, something that I knew I was lacking. It's so easy for me to take my family for granted, but this time, God just did not let me go. He kept prompting and prodding my heart to reach out to my brother. During the year up in seminary, I had recognized the importance of how our first ministry should be to our family. How funny is it that we would want to go out into the world and share God's gospel, but fail to even care for or love our family members the way we want to, everyone else. As I talked with my younger brother, I was able to see him not just as that little boy in the past who always bothers me or tries to start fights with me, but I truly started to see him as my brother. Not just biologically but in Christ as well, and when I realized that, my heart broke for how I have been neglecting this relationship. Surely the me of the past was not the worst brother, but I definitely did not give them the love or care that God has called us to. Anyway, we had a good talk, and I was able to understand where he was coming from and what was happening in his life at the moment. This was without a doubt, a major blessing from God, and I hope that he continues to developing this relationship!

As I started staying longer in New York, I found myself not really having much to do, and falling into a lazy routine of wake up, eat, hang out, eat, sleep... I was actually missing the studying, and felt like something was missing now that I wasn't studying as much. I also realized that I was not spending as much time with God as I thought I would. I had intended my break to be restful and relaxing, but somehow, I ended up taking a break, not only from my work, but from God as well. I lazied on my daily devotions, and just spent more time doing other things. It wasn't until half way through July did I realize the rut I was falling into and was awaken to the need to be resting in God's presence and not away from Him. I was able to spend the last few days in devotion and preparation for coming back up to Gordon Conwell, and preparing my heart for a new class. It was a good time for me to reflect upon the last year that had happened, and then the short break that I had back at home. There was a re-focusing and re-centering my life on God, and the calling he had given me.

After coming back up to Gordon Conwell, I jumped right into my summer class (Exegesis of Mark). At first I was worried and was a little bit frantic in working on my translations, because I thought I needed to translate half the book. I was also translating it word by word, and finding the function of

Not really great photos as they were taken candidly...
It also seems like I always have photos of food...

each word; which is very helpful, but was taking up a huge bit of my time. After going through the class, I was able to get a better grasp of what was expected for the class, and managed to get the work that needed to be done, completed for each class. During this class, we learned a lot about the context of Mark, and the historical context during the time the book was written. We dove into the literary style as well as the literary content and allusions to the OT. During the short week that I've been back, I was also blessed with the opportunity to be a part of the leaders of the young adult fellowship at my church. We had decided to go on a 1 day 1 night retreat to plan out the vision and theme for the coming year. This retreat was a really amazing time where I got to sit with other leaders who were passionate for the community, and for God's work to be done. I learned so much, and was also very encouraged to just hear them talking about their visions for the fellowship and how they had been hearing God speaking. During this retreat I was also challenged with the very difficult idea of reaching out to young adults. What is the main focus of young adults?? For family fellowships, the goal would be to be a good husband/wife/parent. For college and under, it would be to ground their faith, listen to God's calling, and/or to be faithful in the place that God has placed them (school, families, etc.) Now when I turn to young adults, I just could not figure it out. There were different ideas floating in my head, but I could only end with one: To find their identity/security/stability/comfort. During this time of young adult-hood, we are experiencing for the first time, being on our own and not being told what to do. I think this time is where we feel the most lost and confused. We have the church telling us we need to get married, and society telling us we need to focus on our careers. What I believe that God was awakening me to; was the reality that all of these things would create some kind of security or identity for the person, but was that ever enough? I think ultimately, God is calling them to point back to Him, and realize their very real identity as His child and as belonging to Him. Security and Identity need to come from Christ, and not from the things of this world.

Anyway, that was my little rant/word vomit on what was going through my head, sorry if that sounded very convoluted or confusing. All in all, it has been a really good and restful summer, and I cannot wait to jump into the new year. I pray that you are all doing well, and feel free to hit me up and ask me more about how things are!!

Taking a break

First I'd like to thank you for all the prayer and support over the last year. Time has flown by and now I have finished my first year of seminary as well as my first summer class (intermediate Greek). The final exams were very manageable, and God has blessed me with diligence to push through with it.

Most of my work as mentioned in the previous post was from my papers, and the final exams themselves weren't so bad. After finishing up my spring semester, I had the opportunity to go home for a week before starting my summer classes. Before I went home, I went on a retreat with the young adult fellowship at CBCGB (CHARIS). We spent the weekend at the retreat site, and I was given the position as one of the small group leaders. The retreat was a time for the young adults to step away from their normal work schedules and rest in the beauty of God's creation as well as to be in fellowship with one another. On the first day of the retreat, we were actually greeted by a rough rainstorm that brought us a little behind schedule. I was worried that we would have to spend the retreat under the constant rain, but God blessed us with beautiful weather the next few days which allowed us to enjoy the nature and not just be stuck indoors. As we continued going throughout the retreat, God blessed me with the opportunity to build deeper relationships with the brothers and sisters there. I had started attending CHARIS for a semester, and had not really built deep friendships, but at this retreat, the opportunity was shown. Not only did leading a small group give me a glimpse into the lives and challenges of my fellow brothers and sisters, I was also able to have some good one on one conversations! This retreat provided a well needed rest from the tough semester that I had just had. Being able to take a step away from working and studying, to just enjoying fellowship and worshiping with others was comforting and rejuvenating for my soul. 

After the retreat, I headed home for a week. Like usual, I took this chance to spend time with my family and friends, to catch up and rest from the tiring week that had just passed. This wasn't really much of a break considering that I had to go right back to school to take intermediate Greek, but I enjoyed spending the week with family and friends. On May 22nd, my Intermediate Greek class

started, and that was one heck of a hard class. Not only was it mentally draining, it was physically draining. Even though I grasped many great insights from the language, the work load was no joke. We spent three hours a day, three days a week in class learning, around 2-3 hours a day on reading up on the material, and another 3-4 hours on each assignment that was due the following class. Each assignment literally required everything that we had previously learned. We also learned new things like many new functions of nouns and verbs and sentence diagramming to understand the flow and structure of the verses. Personally, I suck at grammar... and Intermediate Greek, was all grammar... so you could kind of guess my struggle throughout this session. However, God gave me the strength to pull through it! During the session, I was also able to spend more time with my fellow dorm mates and we kept each other sane. We definitely played more games of Dominion and Settlers of Catan then I have ever done so before. We also had a bit more free time to eat together and watch some basketball as well as play some intense ping pong games. After our class ended, we even took a small ride out to a beach to relax, and it just so happened that we ended up at the very first beach that we were brought to in the beginning of our fall semester. There was something poetic about finishing up at the same place that we all started at. 

Besides the arduous classes and fun that I had during the summer semester, I also got to celebrate with my friend and current English pastor at NYCAC, Cristobal Tong, and his marriage. Shout out to Carla for marrying him and for their future together!! Anyway, I really enjoy weddings because they

are such joyous events where friends and family gather together from all over. I enjoyed spending the time with my friends at church as well as attending my first wedding reception with Visalia. I was also asked to be the MC for the reception, which gave me a little closer connection to everything happening at the wedding. During the wedding, there was a very humbling moment during the exchanging of vows. Instead of the usual exchanging of drinks, Cris and Carla washed each other's feet, symbolizing their willingness to serve one another and reflecting the attitude that Jesus calls us to. After the wedding, I went back up to school, and the following weekend, I was blessed with the chance to lead a prayer night with the joint college and young adult fellowship at CBCGB (CrossGen). I focused on four different booths, each emphasizing a different aspect of the prayer life that God calls us to. The first station focused on praying for the world, our neighbors, and friends. The second station focused on praying in partners, and learning to listen to one another with grace and compassion. The third station focused on thanksgiving, and recognizing the many blessings that God has secretly hidden in our lives. The last station was one of lamentation. This station was a chance for people to come before the Lord and lament, something that doesn't usually happen within a Chinese church. This opened doors to really reflecting on our own lives, and coming before the Lord with all our burdens and struggles. Throughout the night, I could feel the very real presence of the Holy Spirit working in the life of each of the people there. They were challenged to pray in ways they had not thought of before, and given the chance to care for one another. 

After my Summer Session ended, I went home and will be back home for a month. During this last session, I realized that I might have over stressed myself, and noticed that my health had taken a hit from the constant studying. While home, I have been blessed with friends to hang out with and catch up with, as well as family that cares and loves me. I spent most of my days hanging out and relaxing, and more recently, I attended a retreat with GCAC. My initial intentions for going to this retreat was

to get to know the people at Visalia's church, and learn to love the people that she loved and served. God had so much more in store for me. While at the retreat, I found myself constantly being challenged in terms of pride and my selfishness. I had taken a step back away from God and unknowingly taken less time with him. Just because I was at seminary did not mean that I was necessarily spending a lot of time with him. I had been overwhelmed with my work, and had not given God the attention and respect he deserved. The retreat reminded me of the importance of dwelling in God's presence to rest, and not just to play around. I was also once again pulled into a deeper relationship with Christ as I was constantly reminded of our Lord and savior during my prayers. I don't know when, but I had started speaking to God as a friend and a servant, but I had not given him the full respect he deserves as Lord, and I had not been approaching him in humility. During my morning devotions and talks with people, God once again reminded me of the importance of a relationship with Him, and a heart centered around seeking Him. I also realized just how much I missed worshiping Him in song. During my fall semester, I would usually attend a night worship/prayer session at Gordon Conwell, but during the Spring Semester I had not been dedicating as much time in worship as I would have liked. This retreat opened the door to worshiping again with all my heart and in humility. I was able to surrender my heart to Him and come humbly before Him again. At this retreat I was also able to watch as God worked in the lives of different people at GCAC, and it was just so exciting to see God working no matter where it was! During this retreat, I also learned a lot about my relationship with Visalia, and my own selfishness and pride that slips out unknowingly. Taking the time to reflect during this retreat was definitely helpful, and spending time in God's word also reminded me of the importance of dwelling in His word. 

Now I have a few more weeks before I head back to Gordon Conwell for a second Summer class. Within the coming weeks, please pray that I will remain diligent with all that I have learned and continue to pursue God! Please pray for the two Sunday school classes that I will be teaching for two Sundays, and that I remain faithful to the time of rest that God has given me! Also, please hit me up if you want to catch up while I'm back here for a bit :)

End of the First Year????

I cannot believe how fast time has flown by!!! I know I mention this every single blog-post, but there is no way that I have come near to the end of my first year at seminary. I thank everyone for always praying for and supporting me during this year, it has been a crazy adventure full of spiritual warfare, and spiritual growth. This last month has also been super busy, so that could definitely be a reason that it went by so fast as well. This month I had papers to write, exams to study for, my school had our Student Association elections, and Easter also happened! In terms of my studying and all the work that I had to do, this past month I have been the most diligent that I can remember being while up here. I had to write a 2500 word paper on the existence of Hell, write a Historical Context Paper about Paul and Epictetus on 1 Corinthians 7, and write a 15 page Exegesis Paper on 1 John 2:3-11. Praise God that he kept me faithful to my studies and diligent in my work, and I was able to finish all of them right before my final exams started. My Historical Context Paper came first, which was just a short critical analysis of the connections between Paul and the Stoic Philosopher Epictetus on the passage of 1 Corinthians 7. The reason is that they both use similar language and have connections even though they should have been years apart, and the conclusion is because of the culture and environment that they grew up in. Stoicism and the Cynics were very prominent during that time, so it wouldn't be surprising that they had similar foundations. My paper on Hell for Systematic Theology II was to respond to the prompt of "The concept of hell as eternal conscious torment is incompatible with a God who ultimately triumphs over evil." This was a fun

assignment to just think through the attributes of God, and work through how his providence and justice ultimately come together. My final conclusion was; since all people sin, and God cannot be with sin, there necessitates a place for sinners. Even beyond that is the fact that sin requires a punishment, there necessarily needs to be a consequence to sin. God cannot just have gratuitous forgiveness, which is just forgiving the sins even of those who do not recognize and repent of their own sins. Anselm of Canterbury brings up the point that; 'if God were to forgive gratuitously, then there would be no difference between righteousness and sin because the result is the same.' After that, I worked on my Exegesis Paper which literally took me a whole week. I must have spent at least a good 20 something hours on this paper, and when i finished it, I forgot that it had to only be 15 pages with 1.5 spacing. I ended up with 21 pages... and had to cut out 4 pages.  Anyway the passage that I worked on was from 1 John 2:3-11. The final application was basically that John was calling the people of God to follow God's commands, to take action for their beliefs, that matched their beliefs. He warned against the secessionists of the time, and not to be swayed by their lying and evil ways, but instead to truly and wholeheartedly follow after Christ.

Other interesting things that happened during this time was a play that my friends had written and acted for fun. The play was on April 8th, and was called "Love Impossible."  This play not only struck home on many great points, but was also very real in its representation of life as we know it. The premise was basically that a mother found out that she had cancer and had to break the news to her son and daughter who came back to visit her. The mother had miraculously been peaceful and accepted the fact that she was going to die and was actively going to spread the gospel and do ministry in the places no one would. Then, at this point, the children realize that their mother has actually been in contact with the man that had murdered her husband, and had been going to the

prison consistently to pray with him. The son is furious because that man was his real father, and had killed his adopted father, while the daughter was just in shock and fear. The mother tries to invite the man to try and reconcile things with her son, but instead her son blows up and reveals the hidden secret that he had left his faith long ago and could not accept a God that would allow such a thing to happen. The play then jumps to a scene of the woman just crying out to the Lord, revealing how hard it was for her to forgive the man, and even to this point, every time she looks at him, she is reminded of her husband that had died and it hurt her so much. Even though God was moving in her heart and she had forgiven him, there was still a very real pain that had not gone away. She was also crying out to the Lord for her son who had turned away and she understood how hard it was for him, but she could not do anything for him. The play then jumps to her post funeral, and her daughter basically attempts to reconcile with the man that killed her father because of the true display of life and Christ that her mother had continually been showing. One more thing was that throughout this play, there was also a Gigolo character that the mother hired just as a helping hand. It was later revealed that this gigolo's parents were missionaries in another country and he talked about how he had to escape the hypocrisy of their ministry. Although it seemed like ministry work was great, he realized his parents were just there to avoid the issues and situation with the real world back in America. They served there doing God's work, but was also just running away from problems, and the gigolo himself could not take the hypocrisy of his parent's and had himself left the faith because all he could see were Christians proclaiming their faith, with their Christ like lives, no where to be found. However after serving the mother for the extended period, he realized that there are people who live out their life for Christ, and slowly opened his heart again to God's love. This play was very real and relate-able to real life. I think many times we think that and ask for happy endings as in movies and such, but the reality of life is that in our time here, we may not always experience it. As shown by the mother who had to go to the grave, not knowing whether her son had ever turned back to Christ. There was also the very real aspect of how hard forgiveness was. Forgiveness did not just mean a wiping and clearing and being completely okay, there was still a very real pain and suffering that she went through. Even though God was working through her, she still had to live with the facts of what had happened, but the beautiful thing was her willingness to reconcile and love on the man even through all he had done. 

I also had the chance to go home during Easter, which was a great time to witness my brother being baptized. I headed back to New York on the Wednesday before, and attended church for Good Friday Service. We had an interesting experience with the message being told in parallel to handing out objects that let us reflect deeper on the kind of suffering that Christ had to go through on the Cross. We had coins that represented the price that Judas took for Jesus' betrayal, we had a little bit of nard to understand the anointing that Mary had done on Jesus' feet, we had string that symbolized the rope that bound Jesus as he was dragged from place to place, we had toothpicks that represented the pricking and pain of the crown of thorns, and finally a nail to represent his nailing on the cross. At the end, we were asked to write our sins on a piece of paper, and use the nail to pierce through it to show the act of love and grace that Jesus had shown by dying for us on the cross and taking up our sins. Easter Sunday was also a very joyous time watching my youngest brother be baptized. He was the last one in our family to do this outward profession of his faith, and it was really touching to see his renewed commitment to Christ. Being the youngest he had grown up with his own struggles and difficulties, and for a time me and my parents were most worried about his faith, but God had been working powerfully in ways we did not realize, and in this short year, he was slowly being molded and reformed by God. Now I can officially call him my brother by blood and in Christ! I also had the chance to catch up with friends and spend some time with my girlfriend which is always a huge blessing every time I come back. It is encouraging to know that even though distance increases, relationships can still be maintained.

One key thing that I was brought to light this month was the importance of reconciliation with one's brothers from Matthew 5:23-25. It was something that Jesus valued and saw as more important than just offering up gifts to him. He calls us to go and reconcile before coming before the altar to worship. In 1 John 2:9-11, John is very strict about loving one's brother and not be hating them. We would be a liar and a hypocrite were we to say that we love God and follow his commands and yet be hating our brother. During one of the chapel services, the speaker challenged us with the idea of healing. This semester our chapel focus has been on healing, and this message he spoke challenged the doubts of healing, "Do we doubt that we can be healed?" I think this is a very real issue in that many times, people do not believe in the possibility of healing, or even further, that they are so comfortable/complacent in the hurt and pain that they do not want to step out of it to pursue healing. There is simplicity in being hurt and just pretending to brush it off, but there is more pain and difficulty in allowing healing, and I think this is very true, especially in an Asian church context. We rather be passive aggressive or just pretend like nothings wrong than to tackle the pain and the heart, than to really strike at the core of our issues. I myself am not exempt from this, and that's why the message struck so close to home. Do we doubt that we can be healed, or do we doubt that we deserve healing, or do we not want to even step outside to be healed? Do we not want to let go of our anger and pain, or are we so comfortable in it that we don't want to leave it?