Reflective March

The month of March has been really reflective. My classes have progressed as usual, and I have found myself having great conversations everywhere I went. My Hebrew class has finally finished going through the textbook, and now we are translating through Genesis 22. Through that class and my Old Testament Interpretation class, I am actually finding Hebrew to be quite enjoyable, and really just a treasure trove of information that I had never expected to find. It's funny how God turned my most difficult class this year into one that I thoroughly enjoyed. In my OT Interp class, we learned to do an overview chart, and was required to do one for Genesis. It was a long and time-consuming assignment, but I definitely saw and realized things that I had not noticed before or thought of before in the book. For example Jacob and his situation with Laban. I have always pinned Jacob as a sneaky and sly fellow who tricked his uncle, but clearly there is more to it, as God was the one who told Jacob in a dream what was to happen. My Exegesis of Revelation class has also been really great. It kind of feels like the Sunday School I have at NYCAC, but there is definitely more time to go into the Greek text and see how everything is connected. My Church History class surprisingly intertwined with the Revelation class in that one of the books that we were assigned had to do with the "Left Behind" Series. This was just a good time of reflection on end times theology and how Christianity might have been affected by it.

Besides the classes, the rest of the month has, as mentioned before, very reflective. The two factors that brought that about was: the three storms that we were hit by and reading  "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan.

During the month of March, we were consecutively hit by three storms, one a week for three weeks. Two of the storms had actually caused us to lose electricity up here for 2-3 days each. At first, when we were hit with the first storm and lost electricity, I was rather annoyed. My immediate response was to complain due to the lack of electricity, the lack of heat, the inconvenience of not being able to cook, etc. There was little to no work being done and to top it all off, we kept receiving emails that told us predicted times of electricity coming back which was constantly changing and being pushed back. There was just inconvenience after inconvenience, and discomfort after discomfort. Actually, truth be told, I did enjoy the fact that everyone had to come out of their caves and interact with each other and also the fact that some of us went to play in the snow. As an extrovert, I actually appreciated everyone being forced out into the open, but at the time, all I could think of was how I was inconvenienced by the weather. On the last day of the storm however, it occurred to me that all I was doing was complaining... I often claim that New Yorkers are great at complaining, and being a pure-blooded one myself... meant I would complain about every little thing. For some reason, I failed to recognize the idol that I had unknowingly built up for myself; called comfort. The moment I wasn't comfortable, I complained, and that in itself really shook me. I didn't realize how much I idolized comfort and how easily dismissive I was of all that God had blessed me with. It was a reality check to realize that things that I am so used to like: electricity, heat, food... all of these came from God, but because of how I was used to having them, I did not even consider that they might have been blessings. Thankfully, I was able to take a step back on Saturday and reflect on just how much I've been taking the blessings of the Lord for granted and not attributing to Him what was rightfully His to begin with. Funny thing was, the next day at church, as I was sitting through service, I felt the Lord convicting me of not resting and relying on Him through the storms, and felt that I needed to humble myself and not just focus on my comfort. Towards the end of the service, I felt like I had started the reconciliation process with God, and immediately after the service ended, I received and email saying that electricity was finally restored. I like to believe there are no coincidences in life, and in no way am I saying that God did this to teach me a lesson, but I definitely believe that He used this and timed it in a way that I was able to reflect and remember who He was and what He had done in my life. When the next storm and black out hit, my heart and mind was ready to reflect on the blessings God had given me, and to rejoice instead of complain through the situation.

"Forgotten God" by Francis Chan was also another cause to my daily reflection. I decided to read a couple pages each day as part of my routine before I went to bed, and it has thoroughly changed my nights. I have never really been one to read books on my own, unless I was required to, however, Visalia had lent me this book so I felt like I should read it and return  it to her soon. To my surprise, this book was convicting and so crazy. Literally every page I read there was something that struck straight at my heart and forced me to think more and process what was happening. The purpose of the book is a reminder of who the Holy Spirit is and His role in our lives. I definitely recognize that sometimes, He is forgotten and pushed aside, and even to some degree neglected within the Christian faith. Reading this book really reminded me of just how I had been viewing and abusing the Holy Spirit in my life and how I should be seeing the Holy Spirit. Instead of just as some mystical spirit that we have no contact with, the Holy Spirit is very truly God and dwells among us. I realized that though my head knew this, my heart and life was directed in a way that didn't take into account the ways I was living against what the Holy Spirit might have wanted. I definitely took the Holy Spirit for granted multiple times and even tried to manipulate it. There were also times where I feared asking too much of the Holy Spirit, in fear of not having my prayers answered, and of course there were times where I tried to pray prayers in a way that sounded humble enough to be answered. I was not treating the Holy Spirit as part of the God-head, and instead been neglecting my relationship with him. This was a real wake up call, especially since I remembered a time when I had relied on the Holy Spirit for every conversation I would have and every prayer that I prayed. Somehow, someway, I had fallen short of that, but God had reminded me once again and been teaching me this year how to live a life reflective of what I say I believe in.

Like usual, I had a reading week, and this time it just so happened to fall on Easter Sunday as well. The whole week I was back, I was able to catch up and have really great conversations with my friends and family. Not only that, I was able to spend time with my family and Visalia, as well as witness the baptism of a childhood friend. Praise God, for all the people that were baptized this year, and for the chance to witness many Christians that I had watched grow up to become the man and woman that they are now, and that God was molding them to be. This reading week I also started to talk with Visalia about the prospects of a future together. The process was challenging and exciting at the same time. Challenging because of all the uncertainties and fears that we had of the future, which brought about a lot of stress and worry, but exciting because of the possibility of a future together. Throughout this month, we had been discussing it and asking our friends and family members to keep us in their prayers. We definitely spent a good amount of time stressing over details and logistics, as well as the fear of not knowing what would happen in the future, or even where we would be in the future. I thought that these were healthy first steps, and truth be told, I am still a little shook that they happened. In my mind, I am still thinking that I am barely an adult, but here I am considering and thinking about starting a new life with someone. It terrifies me that I can't be sure of the future and that I can't just plan everything out because there are just many different uncertainties, but I think God has really been proving himself faithful and reminding me of His righteousness daily. More reflection happened on April 2nd as I was driving from New York with two friends to go back Gordon Conwell. The snow had hit us pretty hard, and it just so happened that it would be snowing

the whole time I would be driving up, and stop right after I was done, or so the online weather reports claimed. While driving through Connecticut we ended up in a car accident that led to my car becoming completely destroyed. I will explain in more details down below, but that situation completely took me by surprise. I always think these things happen to other people, but I am a good driver and this won't happen to me, or I am careful so I won't let this happen to me. Little did I know what God had in store for me to learn that day. From the start of the crash til figuring out insurance and car rentals and getting back safely to Gordon Conwell, I felt like my mind was just stuck in this "goal oriented" mindset. I knew what I needed to do and how I had to accomplish it, and so I didn't have the time to really sit down and realize... I just survived a car crash. Praise God that no one was injured besides my friend, who broke her hand, but everyone else seemed to be fine. I am actually completely fine, my back feels a little bit sore, but my neck and body feels like there isn't anything wrong with it. No one needs to tell me twice how blessed I am to survive that crash, because it was pretty crazy.

Upon the drive back and more reflection on my own, I realized just how much God could have been teaching me through this. I definitely think that there is an aspect of humility. I had taken pride in driving manual, and was also judging the other drivers that were slowly making their way through the storm on the day of the drive. Lo and behold, as I was joking about them, I ended up in a car accident myself. Another lesson that I think God brought across in my mind was how I had taken this car for granted. When I was first blessed with this car, I remember how much God had provided in my time of need, and how blessed I was to be able to bless other people by driving them around. I definitely appreciated and was thankful for the car. But somehow, somewhere down the line, I started to desire and want a better car. I was happy with mine, but not satisfied. I started desiring newer, better, shinier, and started taking my car for granted. I definitely believe the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. It has been something I have struggled with all my life, but what I failed to realize once again, was that this also was a blessing. The giving was a blessing, but the taking away also was one. I was once again reminded of the fact that God protects and provides. The last lesson that I gleaned so far was that God was reminding me to trust and rely on Him for the future. I barely even know what is going to happen today, much less one year from now. I had been totally stressing and worrying about the future, and all that might happen, that I forgot to consider and think about today and right now. I almost forgot to recognize and notice how much God had been working in me already, and that He without a doubt will stay faithful in the future as well!


So the million dollar question of what happened during the crash. So basically, I was driving on the highway and the snow conditions were pretty bad. I was probably going around 60ish miles in Connecticut when the car in front of me starts slowing down out of nowhere. I follow suit and start applying the brakes as well to match his deceleration. Now you can imagine that while driving and suddenly slowing down, my car was pretty close to his. Suddenly that car switched lanes to the right lane while I just kept slowly braking. As soon as he left my lane, I saw that there was a car completely stopped right in front of me, and before I could react, I pressed hard on the brake, but was not able to stop the car, and smashed straight into the car in front of me. The airbags deployed, and I remember the horrible smoke that was starting to fill the car. I immediately got out of the car and went to help my two passengers as well as telling the person in the car in front of me to call the police. I do not know what happened, but there are two stories so far. One is that I hit the car in front of me, propelling it forward to also crash into the car in front of her. The other story told by the car all the way in the front was that she felt two impacts, one from the middle car that I hit, and another impact when I hit the middle car and propelled it forward. All I know is that the cars were completely stopped in the middle of the highway, and I could not react in time to stop. After the crash, my car was towed while my friends were taken to a hospital to be treated. Thankfully the truck driver dropped me off to rent a car, which I was then able to drive to pick up my friends from the hospital and then drive back to campus. It was a hectic day filled with craziness, and praise God for the safe trip back to school. Thankfully, no one was hurt except for my friend in the passenger seat who injured her hand and forehead. Now I am once again without a car, but I know that if God provided the first car, He will definitely provide again. Please keep me and my friends in your prayers.

Spring Semester, Second Half of Seminary Begins

Spring Semester marks the second half of my seminary life. Halfway done and it still feels like I only just started... This past month has been a really great start to a new semester. It is my first time deciding to take a weekend course which meets Fridays 6-9:30 and Saturdays 9-4 once a month. I had thought this would be the end of me, but instead, it really opened up a lot more time to do work and s

pend time being intentional with the relationships up here. In terms of school work, Hebrew has surprisingly taken a turn and hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. Maybe because we have been moving relatively slower in comparison to first semester of it, but the new information is just slight changes to information that we had learned in the previous semester. Unlike Greek which increased in difficulty in the second semester, Hebrew actually levels off and remains at the same difficulty. There is however, still, a lot of vocab to remember so ... I guess that will be the bulk of it. My other classes have been pretty chill and good as well. Exegesis of Revelation has been really good, and honestly, it feels very similar to the Sunday School at NYCAC except that we go faster through the verses. Old Testament Interpretation has also been a nice class. We spent the first class really going over the history and archaeological support of the stories in the Old Testament and the geographical mapping of where things were. I never really had a knack or passion for history, but it was definitely helpful to recognize and go over where everything was and just have a visual picture of everything.

During the reading week for this month, I actually came back the Wednesday before reading week in order to surprise Visalia for Valentines Day. I also went back for Chinese New Year, which was a good time spent with my family. I'm slowly realizing that as I grow up, there is less and less opportunities to spend with my family, and am really starting to cherish the little bits of time I can eat

dinner with them. During president's day weekend I also went to D.C. and spent the time there with Visalia and my friends. It was a nice break from the grind of seminary, and thankfully, the weather wasn't too bad. It kind of went up and down, with a hailstorm on the first day, but the next few days were really nice. It was also really nice to just catch up with some old friends from my Summer Missions  Project in San Francisco in 2014. It was nice to know that even though we weren't able to keep up with one another constantly, that the relationship was still there.

This first month has also been really good in terms of my personal devotion time. I may have mentioned before, but I have been going through Psalm 119, and honestly, it was really repetitive at first. But recently, I have been very convicted on the attitude of the Psalmist towards God's commands and laws and my own. This semester, I think God is really challenging me to be faithful and act on my beliefs and words, and not to just say or believe the right things. As I read through Psalm 119, I realize that the Psalmist doesn't ask God for help and then go and do whatever he wants. Instead, the Psalmist really takes the time to ask for guidance and also actively pursues a life that reflects his commitment and devotion to God. I feel like God is calling me to such faithfulness in my daily living. Another new but not really new beginning is my new commitment to serving at CBCGB. I had been serving in the young adult ministry and Sunday school here, but I had not really put my whole heart behind it. Because of all the reading weeks, I would usually miss at least 1 or 2 of the meetings per month which didn't really give me much time to actually develop and foster relationships as I should have. However, with this new coming semester, I believe God is calling me to be more intentional with my relationships up here, especially with serving at this church, and that is exactly what I have been doing. Instead of coming home for the whole reading week, I decided to only come back for the weekdays and drive back up for fellowship on Fridays. This way I can be faithful in serving CBGCB as well as find time to rest in between all the work up here. This last month has also been filled with great conversations. Whether it be the change in heart or just the willingness to talk with people, God has been blessing my conversations, and I had been able to spend time intentionally getting to know people at school and my church. I also decided to start a GCTS Ping Pong Tournament to help build some community as well as provide some stress relief for the students up here XD.

Christmas, New Year, Youth Ministry Class

It has been two really fast months that just zoomed by. I finished my third semester, and am now halfway done with seminary, celebrated Christmas with my family, celebrated New Years with a bunch of childhood friends from church, took a youth ministry class, and spent lots of time with my friends and family back at home. Towards the beginning of December, was basically crunch time for me to get all my work done and to prep for the few finals that I had had. Thankfully, I was able to get all my work done on time and finished off pretty strong. Nothing really notable had happened besides a few fun study nights and a short visit from Visalia. We spent a few days going around Boston and going to church to meet my church friends at Cross Bridge. It was a nice time of rest and fun after a long hard year. We went back to New York where I spent the next two weeks just enjoying being home and spending time with my family. My dad had gone to Panama for a mission trip which meant it was my job to drive my mother to and from the train station. Because of that, I had more time to spend at home with my family and more time to just eat with them and spend quality time with them. This was something I haven't really done since ... who knows when, so it was really nice to just spend some time with my family. We had a nice Christmas dinner with soooo much food. Honestly, I let myself go during the short two weeks that I was back and definitely gained a bunch of weight. It was totally worth it though, to spend the time with family and to get fat.

During New Years, my childhood friends from church and I went over to our friends house for two nights. This was really special because such a gathering hadn't happened in a long while because, as we all graduated from college, we started going off into different states to do work, so it was just really nice to be able to spend a few days with them. The best part of this sleepover wasn't just the

fun that we had from sharing and catching up, but our intentionality to pray for each other and really take the time to be in each other's lives. I really enjoyed just talking with, listening to and praying for people I've known for so long. Before heading back up to Gordon Conwell for my winter class, we were struck with the Bomb-Cyclone. New York wasn't hit too bad, but it was bad enough that many flights had to be canceled. One of my classmates had intended to fly out of JFK the morning of the storm, but instead ended up being stuck in the airport after a sudden canceling of her flight an hour after it was supposed to depart. Long story short, me and my dad embarked on a rescue mission to bring her back and in the process found one of my friends that had also unknowingly ended up stranded at JFK as well. It was a surprise and definitely a blessing because I was just walking around the airport and my friend just so happened to turn around and catch a glimpse of me walking by. I guess, everything happens for a reason, and who knew, me and my dad ended up with an extra passenger to bring with us.

Soon after the storm, when the roads seemed clearer, I had to head back up to Gordon Conwell for my winter class. Initially I wasn't really looking forward to the class I was taking. I had wanted to get into pastoral ministry, but because I was late and could not register in time, I could not get into that class. Then I saw that there was a family sociology class and wanted to take that, and after asking for permission to take that class (it was a MACO(counseling) class), I was permitted to. However, shortly after, as I tried to follow up with the professor to sign up for the class, I received no response, and so I checked to try and register for my class, only to realize that the class had been unknowingly canceled. I was surprised and realized that now I needed a new class. The class I registered for had caught my attention at first, but when checking the syllabus, I had seen the extensive amount of

pre/post-class reading and work that I had to do, so I was hesitant... but now I didn't really have a choice. As I started to do the pre-class reading, I was captivated by how relevant and intriguing the information was. The first book I read was "iGen" by Jean M. Twinge. This book basically went through a statistical analysis of the youths/teens of today. The book emphasized the point that the teens nowadays are nothing like the teens we were or that we grew up with because of the whole iphone/internet era that was upon us now. Twinge labeled the generation from 1995-Present as being the iGeneration which had easy access to iphones and the internet. This book gave a great overview on the statistic of youths nowadays and how they fared against youths before their generation, and the gap was quite substantial. Whether it be the percentage of youths being engaged in sexual activity or youths and their religious affiliations, the percentage was going down. I enjoyed this book because it gave a very impartial and neutral view into the life of the youths nowadays, instead of blaming them for destroying everything that was set up by the prior generation. Twenge took the opportunity to dive into different reasons that the percentages could be so different in comparison to the past, and usually concluded with the possibility that with the uprising of the iphones and internet, that the changes were a result of it. She didn't say whether it was necessarily good or bad, but left that open to discussion. Many times, this generation gets bashed for how bad or untamed it might be, but surprisingly, things like sexual activity has actually gone done since the past; but of course, there is a lot more behind the scenes which she also talks about. Just from this book alone, I was hooked and excited/looking forward to diving into the class. There were several more books that I had to read before and during the class, each of which were amazing and brought a lot of insight and guidance to youth ministry, but the "iGen" book definitely stuck out the most.

Upon starting the class, I was once again thoroughly shocked by the content and practicality of things I was learning. From a class that was on the bottom of my list to sign up for, it immediately jumped up to one of the best classes I had taken in Gordon Conwell. I was not only intrigued and pumped to be learning so much, I was also filled with a fire to put some of this information into action. There was also just so much that I was brought to think and reflect on about the youth culture that we were faced with nowadays, and how to tackle/come along side it. Some of the most memorable things that we talked about was: the increased desire of adolescents nowadays to have security and control, the importance of the role of parents in a youths spiritual development, the distinction between adult and adolescent, some practical tools for doing youth ministry. In particular, the transition from child -> youth/adolescent -> Adult, stood out the most to me. This was something that I had found myself talking with several other people about prior to this class, so suddenly having this topic brought up made me feel like the Holy Spirit was working some funny business up in here. Anywho, we first dependent, whether on parents or guardians. In youth/adolescent period the person is independent, able to make their own choices and live by themselves. Upon adulthood the person is interdependent, learning how to depend on others and at the same time have people depend on them. Basically being able to be responsible and care for others as well as understand their own need to rely on others in things. This was such an affirming answer because I had been struggling myself with understanding this concept for a while. The fact that adulthood did not mean I could just go off and live my own life, but that there was so much more than just myself to worry about. I feel that our culture has created a generation of youths and young adults that believe that if they move away from their parents and/or make their own decisions, they are adults, but in reality, they are still stuck in this extended adolescent period. There was so much more that the class had taught that I am still reflecting over and learning about, feel free to hit me up and pick my brain about it :).

discussed the fact how nowadays the youth/adolescent period has been extended well beyond what it used to be. The age at which a child reaches puberty to step into this time period, and the point where he exits it when the society around them starts to view them as an adult, has been stretched much wider than it once was. Before the 1900's the average age of puberty was around 14.5, and adulthood viewed to be around age 16. This was a mere 1.5 years on average that youths remained youths, but now, in 2018, the average age of puberty is around 11.7, and the age that society views them as adults, at least in America, is closer to the mid 20's. Just taking into consideration the age they need to be to vote, drink, drive by themselves, rent a car by themselves... our society has pushed adulthood later and later. That's when we really dove into the question when my professor asked: at what point does a youth go from adolescence to adulthood? Not taking into account the age, because nowadays, there are many people older than their early 20's that still act like adolescents. As we split off into groups to discuss this, we reached a conclusion. Most people in our society nowadays views adulthood as being independent. When one can "take care of themselves," they consider themselves an adult. When they can: pay their own bills, live by themselves, make their own decisions for themselves, that is when they think they are an adult. In class we settled at a different answer separating the answer into three stages. During childhood the

person is

During the class, I had been eating healthy all week because of how "free" I was being about eating the weeks before. I ate salads everyday with an orange for dinner, and for lunch I'd have a salad and a yogurt. Life was tough XD, but I definitely felt the difference from eating that and eating fatty food the two weeks prior. After the class, I head back home for another week and a half to really rest up before starting my spring semester, being back, I had more time to spend with my family and friends, and even had the chance to talk with some of my old friends about a retreat they had gone on. I also got to watch my first Broadway show Aladdin, which was pretty awesome. I will say I liked Sight and Sound shows more, but this was definitely an amazing must see show as well :). Overall these last two weeks had been pretty good and well needed as a rest before stepping into another busy semester. Now, the things that have been on my heart most recently are the reality of pastoral ministry coming closer and closer and a

plea for clarity and guidance towards future ministry. Now that seminary is halfway through, I cannot deny the fact that I need to start thinking more and more about where/who I might feel God calling me to serve and the reality of being a pastor. The weight of being a pastor seems to gradually be getting heavier and heavier, and though I can't really say I am fearful of what is to come, but I am anxious. I am excited to start my ministry, excited to go back into serving instead of just taking classes about it, but I am also nervous about performance and expectations. I know that everything will ultimately be in God's hands, and He has shown me time and time again that He provides abundantly and guides me, but I can't help but feel the need to be better, to do well. Something to definitely keep me in prayer about is the future that is yet to come, and that I learn to surrender in obedience and remain faithful with where He has placed me.

Winter is coming

The second semester has just about flown by, and there is less than one month left until the end of the semester. This semester has really flown by, especially with all that has been happening since the beginning. During my last post, I shared about how busy and stressed I was from all that was happening between life and school work. Since then, everything has been pretty smooth and I have found myself pacing life much better. School and ministry went hand in hand, and since the last update, I have had two breaks where I got to go home. To begin with, school has been pretty much the same. Hebrew takes up most of my time as usual, however it is nice to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My professor had also challenged us to meditate through Psalm 119 throughout the time we are taking Hebrew because of the way the Psalm is structured. It is actually an acrostic that has every 8 verses starting with the same letter in the alphabet. For example, the first 8 verses start with Alef, the next Bet, and so on and so forth until the whole alphabet is spelled out. Going through this Psalm has made a huge difference in my daily life. I had never really taken a lot of time to spend my morning meditation in the book of Psalms, but this was really encouraging and affirming. Reading through Psalm 119, I am constantly challenged by the Psalmist's desire to pursue God's commands and laws, and the Psalmist's willingness to surrender his insecurities and enemies into God's hands. Spending my morning with God has reminded me of the real focus in my life, and reminded me who I am really here for.

Besides Hebrew, my Project of Reconciliation class, like always has been a blessing and a curse in my life. It has been a blessing to challenge me in how I viewed things, but also a curse because now I cannot go back to being ignorant or nonchalant about the way things are. This class really taught me the importance of taking a step back from my own prejudices and viewing things from another person's perspective. Recently, our class had the time to dive into more controversial topics such as
LGBTQIA and Women in Leadership. Both topics usually raise brows in churches all around, and is a very common area of conflict. However, we were able to approach both of these topics in a way that we could share openly our thoughts, and also start on the process of understanding reconciliation. When it came to the topic of LGBTQIA, I realized that many times we shut down the opportunity for conversation by fear of jumping into something we don't understand. Instead of immediately blacklisting or writing it off as something overly important or not important at all, I believe there is a need to converse and understand. My professor really challenged us with the whole idea of loving people well. How loving are we being when we use the bible as a weapon to smack people in the face (figuratively, maybe some people literally). How are we to honestly say we love our neighbors when we aren't willing to converse with them and hear them out without our own prejudices and fears? When it came to the topic of Women in Leadership, I was challenged with the definitions of the words Complementarian and egalitarian. Both of these words are thrown around in Christian circles to define their view on whether women are allowed to take leadership positions. However, after defining them, we realized that instead of the "binary" way that we view the two words, they actually can go together. As one colleague put it, Egalitarian seems to point to ontology while Complementarian spoke to function. The two were not necessarily mutually exclusive, but as we inserted societal culture and politics to it, they formed opposing meanings. This really opened my eyes, not necessarily to choosing a camp to side with, but to have a better understanding of just how easy it is for us to misinterpret and pervert situations or words. (My own views on the above topics have been withheld from this blog, but please feel free to ask me about them at any time :).) 

My Preaching class has also been a huge blessing in my life. Honestly, the reason I was most afraid of stepping into this semester was because I knew I would be taking preaching classes and I would have to stand in front of my classmates and preach. The thought terrified me, which might seem strange for those who know me. I am without a doubt a major extrovert, but I don't necessarily like to

be in the center of attention. I enjoy being with people and being loud, but I much prefer to be acknowledged as present than to be the center of attention. I think I also had a fear of being judged by those whom I knew were brilliant and much more talented in public speaking than I was. I couldn't get over my pride and fear, but as my professor taught the class, he encouraged us and really broke down for us what it meant to preach. He also kept our class super interactive and practical which helped a lot, I mean, we literally played charades in class to show how important our facial expressions and non-verbal actions are. The professor made preaching seem fun and approachable. He also opened the floor with an immense amount of grace which eased our minds about forgetting our points as we preached. Our goal was to preach one 8 minute sermon and one 15 minute sermon. My first sermon was on Romans 12:1-2 which my focus was on living a life Holy and Pleasing to God. My second sermon was on John 3:16-21, and the focus was on recognizing God's love for us. Since this was my first time preaching ever, I was still scared and it seems that fear really helped me turn to others for prayer, and also made me recognize once again, the importance of prayer. I once again recognized the power of prayer as not only an opportunity to speak and ask God for assistance, but as a means to be affirmed by Him and to surrender/submit myself into His hands.

Speaking of prayer, one thing that happened over my second reading week back in New York left me dumbfounded by the power of communal prayer. My girlfriend had previously made a plan with her family to celebrate her dad's birthday at Peter Lutger steakhouse on the Saturday after I got back from school. Everything was going according to plan, when suddenly in the beginning of the week, everything changed. Conflict arose between her parents, which left her family stressed and depressed. Unlike regular arguments that usually resulted in passive aggressive action and verbal attacks, this

She loves the dog more than me

one conflict seemed to be worse. There was more passive aggression than ever before, and this happened to the point where none of us knew how to handle it. The situation reached a climax when Visalia's mother considered leaving because of the way her husband was treating her. Right when all seemed helpless, Visalia decided to open up her struggle to the community. She asked earnestly for prayer and shared her burden and struggle with those who were willing to pray for her. The community of God really stood together on this, as friends of past and present responded to her call for prayer. The next day, Visalia left noticing the tense atmosphere in her house, not knowing what to think and fearing for the worst. At the end of the day, her mom messaged her and told her that "it's ok, everything is fine now." Somehow, some way, her parents had reconciled after a long week of intense conflict. To this day, it shocks me just how powerful the effect of prayer is, and the promise that God has given to hear and bring about His work! I can't say for certain that God will always answer as straightforward or optimal as it did this time, but this situation really reminded me of His willingness to stand by us in our time of struggle, and the community He places by our side to fight with us through life.

Besides my classes, leading fellowship at CBCGB has been a blessed time. I was given the chance to lead prayer night again, to which I led an activity for the members to encourage one another. There is something about being able to thank someone for them being a blessing in our lives that humbles us and reminds us of God's blessings in our lives. I have also been blessed with the opportunity to go on a trip with Visalia and her best friend and her boyfriend. The trip was really refreshing and fun as

well as filled my belly to brim with delicious food from Pennsylvania. We went on adventures throughout Philly as well as watch the Miracle of Christmas at Sight and Sound Theater. We also went to Hershey Park and rode on rides without waiting for rides. Overall, this was a time filled with laughter, fun and food; but most importantly, it was great fellowship. There was something about being able to go on a trip with a group of friends that could have fun together and eat together, but also share and challenge each other on our theology. There haven't been many opportunities that this happened so organically except when I had went on Mission trips or during Seminary. It was refreshing and encouraging to know that this could happen even in the world outside of Seminary, which has been something that had cast a shadow over my heart. It seems as though time is moving really quickly, and the time where I will be out of Seminary and into another place where God is calling me to is happening very soon. I have kept half a mind worrying about it, but the other half recognizing God's providence all throughout my life, and reminding myself to let that come as it comes, and to prepare and be faithful where He has placed me now!

To end off my blog as usual, I'd like to share what's been on my heart recently. As I've been processing through life this semester, I've had more time to think about the reason I do things and fears/insecurities I may have had throughout my life. One thing has always been performance. During my undergrad years, I was always pouring out and always reaching out to people with fervor. As

First time making Golden Curry ^^

some would call it, I was definitely "on fire for the Lord." I can't say that ever since, I haven't had that fire, but it has been different. I have found that I don't always desire to reach out as much as I did in the past, and I just did not have the kind of fire that I thought I used to have. I would beat myself up over the fact that; here I am in seminary, but I was not pouring out enough or as wholeheartedly as I thought I should have. Yesterday as I was eating curry with a friend, I realized that I in the past years I had done a lot of pouring out, and not so much allowing to be poured into. I was so focused on loving well, that I forgot that it was okay to be loved as well. During the time in Seminary, it has definitely been an abundance of the latter, where I felt loved by God and the community around me. I came to terms that; yes, there are times to pour out, but there are also times to be poured into. Instead of beating myself up about always needing to pour out, sometimes God calls us into a place of rest and peace with Him. That's where I think I was, and it makes so much sense as to how I have been feeling recently. After recognizing this, I am learning the the necessity of balancing the two and learning how to best love others from a God who loves us!

Crazy First Month

My first month back in Gordon Conwell, for my Spring Semester, has been one heck of a roller-

coaster ride. There were good times and bad times, but most of all there was a lot of times where I

just did not know what was happening. To start it off, no semester in Seminary is complete without a long struggle with a biblical language. This semester's struggle was Hebrew! After finishing up Greek last year, I went into Hebrew semi-confident, but that confidence was thrown right out the window. Within the first few weeks, I was completely overwhelmed with all the vocabulary and rules that came with them. To me, they all looked like squiggly lines and dots that just randomly connected together. Now, after a month or so of learning it, Hebrew has definitely become more familiar, but in no way has it become a breeze. Just like Greek, every day is Greek day, the same is true for Hebrew. Unless I spend time on it daily, it all goes over my head. My other classes on the other hand are not terrible. My Preaching course has actually been a real blast... am I allowed to say that school is fun?? Because that class really is. Besides the fact that I am terrified of the idea of having to stand in front of a bunch of people and preach in the future, I will soon have to preach in front of my classmates an 8 minute sermon, and a 15 minute sermon. Besides that fear, our professor has made the idea of preaching enjoyable and understandable. We have been learning very practical things about preaching as well as having the opportunity to practice in class. Just this Monday, we actually played charades in class, in order to emphasize the importance of our body language and facial expressions as we preach. 

My other two classes are Church History to the Reformation and Project of Reconciliation. I was never really great at history... so that class kind of goes over my head. I do enjoy the readings by the early church fathers, and am gleaning a lot more from that then from my lectures. Project of Reconciliation on the other hand has been a wonderful class. I am constantly challenged and having

my thoughts renewed as we talk more and more about the idea of reconciliation. The last few weeks, we have been reading books that deal more so with culture, race and church; and it has all been very eye opening for me. I personally find it hard to relate whenever people talk about racism or the oppressive force of "white privilege." I never really understood the pain that other people went through, and part of me even falls for the belief that people just need to suck it up and move on. I realized that being Asian American, we have a very strong "suck-it-up-and-move-along" attitude which doesn't make us immune to racism, but doesn't let us dwell on or deal with it directly. I realized that we much rather work harder and try harder to overcome issues then to question and challenge the root of the problems. I can't say I 100% agree with all the uprisings and protests going on, but I definitely have a much better understanding of it. I always had a rather harsh view on African Americans and the whole movement that was started, but after taking a step back and recognizing the pain and hurt that they come from, I can see how I have only been viewing things from my own lens. It is easy to say that it makes no sense for them to complain and just work harder from my lens, but in their eyes, their situation or circumstances might actually hinder them from moving forward. I found the need to apologize for my ignorance and that there is much work to be done in the process of reconciliation. I definitely think being aware of it is a very great first step, and I hope that God continues to teach me and us how to seek actual reconciliation instead of point fingers or retaliate with hatred. 

Now onto the hard part of this semester. During my first week back, everything was going as I expected a normal semester to go. Classes were hard, but they weren't impossible. I was enjoying being back in seminary and seeing all my old friends, managing my classes, and having my weekly talks with Visalia. Everything changed when that Thursday of my second week I received devastating

news. I was on the phone at night with Visalia when I suddenly got notifications from another friend to start praying for our friend. We weren't given any information on what was happening, but as the night progressed, we soon received the horrifying news that our friend's mother had passed away in an accident. What I thought was just gonna be a normal semester changed from that point on. Besides being devastated, shocked, and completely overwhelmed myself, I could only imagine how much harder it must have been for my friends and his family. I did what I could to support them for the next two weekends, as I went back to New York to support them and just be there for them. I honestly didn't know what else to do, and me and my friends have hence since been praying for and walking with them. I thank God for I know that she is with Him now, but I can't even imagine the pain and the confusion that is in her family's heart. I don't think I have ever lost someone close enough to me that I recognized a difference. I think I've always attended funerals of people who I either saw once a year, or not even that, but this time was different. I had a close relationship with my friend's mother. She had always taken care of our group of friends, and opened up her house to us. Even though she never had much, she shared from the little she had and made sure we were always well cared for and fed. She always had an energy about her as she greeted me and never once ceased to share her warmth and love for Jesus with me. She was also one heck of a prayer warrior. If there is one person in the world that I know was always praying for literally every family at my church... it would be her. When we were younger, she would gather us together to pray for those around us, and the stupid me of the past never saw the beauty in a life of prayer, but now I am finally starting to see it. Even though I'm at seminary, I find it hard to sit still and pray for over an hour, but she was willing to pray for hours and for all those around her. On another note, it was really amazing seeing the church come together to support this tragedy. English and Chinese, both together, ready to support the family and help with all the situations. I think this really speaks volumes to the kind of woman that she was, and also the care and community that God intended the church to have for each other and those around us. I pray that my friends and I continue to walk with her family and encourage them daily. I pray that they continue to seek the Lord and as we all remember the life that she lived for the Lord, that we learn to model that!

The fourth week of September was a retreat with Cross Bridge. This was my third retreat this summer, and I thoroughly love retreats, but this was quite a lot of retreats! This was also my first retreat with the entire English congregation at Cross Bridge so I was looking forward to getting to know the different people at my church. The speaker was also my spiritual formation professor from Gordon Conwell, and if you've read my previous blogs from last year, I'm sure you know how good that class was for the formation of my spirit. There was just so many things to look forward to at this

retreat, and I think God really moved in many hearts there. I was a small group leader, so I had the blessing to lead a group in discussions and processing the sermon. The speaker went through many different things about spiritual formation, and the biggest point that I believe he made was about holiness. He taught and reminded us that we were called to Holiness, and that as we accept Jesus as our Lord and savior, we have been deemed and called Holy, set-apart. The fact that Holiness is not just something that we can accomplish or work towards, but right from the start, God has already set us apart for Himself. There was something revelatory about Holiness not being something that we can accomplish or work harder to achieve, but was a fact that was already imparted on us. Holiness was a status of being, and not one of doing, and I think that really set many people free, especially in a Chinese Christian context where we easily try to work towards things. I believe that this retreat really helped put people and their relationship with God in perspective. Many people usually struggle with Matthew 5:48 "You therefore must be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect," and that call for moral or personal perfection. Firstly, we separate perfection from holiness, as the two are not necessarily equivalent. Secondly, that verse in context talks about a perfection that stems in the love of our enemies and those around us, being perfect in love. This was really freeing for many at church, and even for me to remember that and be reminded to not only just work work work work work.

The following week stretched into October where I had the wonderful opportunity to go back to NY to celebrate my birthday with my friends, and spend some time back at home. The last few weeks had been super draining spiritually, physically and emotionally; I was commuting back and forth between NY and MA on the weekends, and had fallen behind in my work. I really enjoyed the time back at

home to just relax, rest and enjoy some time with my friends and family (even though my parents completely left me and my brothers alone to go party in China -.-). I was able to take time to catch up with friends again and to relax and relieve some of my stress through basketball (though... I've become too fat...). During my time back, my car actually, for some reason, wouldn't start on Wednesday, and I started panicking. I had just switched out my start earlier in the year, but it seemed like a similar issue was happening with the car not starting. Thankfully, God blessed me with assistance through Visalia's dad knowing a good mechanic nearby, and the problem was dealt with. I was really thankful and appreciative of his assistance, and also at how well God had timed that. If this had happened on the day that I had to drive back up to Gordon Conwell, I would have probably flipped out and not known what to do. That

I found this noob hiding between the wall
and couch

was definitely a blessing in disguise, and once again reminded me of how blessed I was to even have the car itself. Anyway, that week ended, and when I came back up to school, I realized that I had work that was not done, and had to rush to finish it... Finally though, I am now relatively caught up with things and ready to tackle the semester again and to whole-heartedly serve at my church's young adult fellowship.

End of One Year, Start of Another

My first year of seminary has ended, and the next one is right around the corner (tomorrow actually). Time has flown by so quickly; I don't think I am anywhere ready for this new year. The month of August has been a month filled with me driving more than I have ever done before. I drove back and forth from my School to New York at least 2 times, drove to hike Anthony's nose with Visalia, and drove to retreat with NYCAC. Needless to say, I am extremely grateful for the Lord blessing me with a car when I needed it, and for the friends that taught me and blessed me with the car. Anyway, so after my Exegesis of Mark class, I went back home for a week and a half to relax and rest. It has become more evident to me that although going home to rest is nice and all, I really am at my laziest when I am home. The short break at home ended quickly as I drove back up to school to help out with Summer Bridge at my church.

Summer Bridge was basically a collaboration between CBCGB and ACCESS which is an after-

school program in Boston. They have a summer school program for their students, and towards the end of the summer, the students will spend one week doing VBS at BCEC, and then sent up to us at CBCGB for a week. We take the chance to bring the students that are normally stuck in Boston and might not usually have a chance to experience the suburbs, on different trips. During the mornings we would have activities with the students with the goal of teaching them the topic for the year. This year, we focused on the idea of 'taking risks.' We wanted to encourage the kids to step outside of their comfort zones and to take risks. My class in particular honed in on a smaller, sub-theme; "it's okay to make mistakes." We wanted to encourage the students with the fact that mistakes were okay, and sometimes can even end up being something amazing. My lesson in particular was to build a tower using different materials. Each team could only send one member at a time to obtain a material to build their tower with, and they could only add on to what was already being built by their team without taking away from it. This encouraged the risk taking factor to be creative and also take materials that might not seem helpful at first. This activity also tried to highlight the theme of friends and a team that was willing to support you, and build on your mistakes and work together with you through them. Besides teaching them in the morning, in the afternoon we would take them on trips to different locations to let them experience the suburbs. We brought them to different large parks and playgrounds, blueberry picking, mini-golfing, and even to a farm! Our group also had the once-in-7-year chance to see the eclipse happening. Summer Bridge was a good opportunity for me to serve with my church, but also to get to know the people at CBCGB better, as well as get to know the ministries that they serve in and care for. Participating in this was something that I had to struggle with for a while. During my spring semester, when I heard about this opportunity, I was excited and couldn't wait to serve. But as summer hit, and I was back home relaxing, I almost couldn't fight the temptation to just stay in New York instead of making the extra commute back and forth between Gordon and New York. My laziness and comfort almost won over my heart to serve, and the things I had previously committed to!!

After Summer Bridge ended, I drove back to New York to celebrate Visalia's graduation. I had a good

time spending the day with her family, celebrating the work and effort that she had put in over this past year. During the time back at home, we also climbed Anthony's Nose together; which I thought would be easy, but I guess I am really out of shape and have been eating more than I have been exercising. Towards the end of August we were both blessed with the opportunity to attend the English Ministry Retreat with NYCAC. Earlier in the summer, I had been blessed with the opportunity to go on a retreat with Visalia's church and meet her church family. Now, it seems like we switched spots, and she had the chance to go on one with my church family. The theme of this retreat was unity. Our church was aiming to spend the time drawing closer to the Lord as one body in Christ, and I believe that this retreat was definitely a great start. During the retreat we had the usual small group, sermon, and activities time, but I think the one thing that stood out the most was the prayer partners time. The core team for the retreat basically paired everyone up with someone they wouldn't normally get to talk with, and gave them 30 minutes to an hour to just share and pray for one another. At first I thought this would be a little awkward, but as we stepped into this time, the Holy Spirit undoubtedly moved powerfully in the hearts of the people there. Not only were we all willing to pray for one another and share, most groups went well over the time alotted, and just enjoyed the presence of a fellow brother/sister in Christ. I personally think that I was blessed by the opportunity to learn about the lives of my fellow brothers in Christ whom I wouldn't have normally approached on my own. I pray that NYCAC continues to move forward with this wave, and keep working towards encouraging one another and reaching out into the community.

A day after the retreat, I drove back up to Gordon Conwell and started prepping for my classes. During this short time of prep, many new fears started surfacing. The biggest ones were my fear for my finances and my fear for the ministry that was about to embark. Last year, by the grace of God, I was able to pull through the year after different issues that had appeared with my support raising through Overflow ministries. That ministry has truly blessed me throughout the time I had partnered with them, and I know that I would not be where I am now without them. This year, I have to figure out something else, because that organization just so happened to close. I guess I never really had to worry too much about finances before, but now the task seems so daunting. I was always someone who valued people over money, and so I never really placed much thought on my financial standing, until now; having to live by myself and buy my own groceries, etc. I know that, through all my life, God has only shown His provision day by day, year by year, and that He will continue to provide: so please pray for courage on my part, and faithfulness, to not just sit on my butt, but to use my time and resources wisely. My other fear is the ministry that I will soon be stepping into. I am excited to step into pastoral ministry, but it is all still very scary to me. Especially now that I have to be taking my first preaching classes. I was never really great at public speaking, and a big part of me knows that I am actually not good at speaking in front of people. Please keep me in your prayers, as I know this is something that I will overcome through practice, and that the Lord will be working through whatever I may have to speak in the future!!

Lots of prayers please, and thank you so much for all the support throughout my first year. Please feel free to hit me up with prayer requests as well, as I would love to be keeping you in my prayers as well!

Summer~

July has come and gone, along with my short vacation back in NY. I am now back in Gordon Conwell, finishing up my second summer class (Exegesis of Mark). While back at home, as

We went to botanical garden, guess what, it's free on Tuesdays
so bring a friend or family member and head on over
(I feel like I'm advertising for them... maybe I'll get paid)

mentioned in the previous post, I had a lot of time to spend with friends and family. I also had the opportunity to teach one of the Sunday school classes going through an Old Testament Survey course. I was blessed with the chance to teach the book of Kings, which was chock-full of kings that were up to no good. Teaching the class gave me an opportunity to review for myself about the kings in the OT, and it really seems like you learn something much better after you have taught it. I also had time to spend a lot of time with Visalia, and that in itself was a new adventure. We had started off long distance, so we never had the opportunity to spend so much time together, since we started dating. There were new challenges that we noticed, and since there was more time spent together, that meant more opportunities for us to experience more of each other's quirks and shortcomings. As the time went on, we recognized more of how a relationship isn't all about fun and games, but there is the very real challenge that comes from learning to love a person, especially when it is between loving them or our own pride. We both struggled with it, but thankfully, God continued to remind us time and time again of His love, and where our focus needed to always be on!

I don't think he knows I'm using this photo
I don't even know if he knows I took it ^.^

While I was back home, I also had the opportunity to reconnect with my younger brother, something that I knew I was lacking. It's so easy for me to take my family for granted, but this time, God just did not let me go. He kept prompting and prodding my heart to reach out to my brother. During the year up in seminary, I had recognized the importance of how our first ministry should be to our family. How funny is it that we would want to go out into the world and share God's gospel, but fail to even care for or love our family members the way we want to, everyone else. As I talked with my younger brother, I was able to see him not just as that little boy in the past who always bothers me or tries to start fights with me, but I truly started to see him as my brother. Not just biologically but in Christ as well, and when I realized that, my heart broke for how I have been neglecting this relationship. Surely the me of the past was not the worst brother, but I definitely did not give them the love or care that God has called us to. Anyway, we had a good talk, and I was able to understand where he was coming from and what was happening in his life at the moment. This was without a doubt, a major blessing from God, and I hope that he continues to developing this relationship!

As I started staying longer in New York, I found myself not really having much to do, and falling into a lazy routine of wake up, eat, hang out, eat, sleep... I was actually missing the studying, and felt like something was missing now that I wasn't studying as much. I also realized that I was not spending as much time with God as I thought I would. I had intended my break to be restful and relaxing, but somehow, I ended up taking a break, not only from my work, but from God as well. I lazied on my daily devotions, and just spent more time doing other things. It wasn't until half way through July did I realize the rut I was falling into and was awaken to the need to be resting in God's presence and not away from Him. I was able to spend the last few days in devotion and preparation for coming back up to Gordon Conwell, and preparing my heart for a new class. It was a good time for me to reflect upon the last year that had happened, and then the short break that I had back at home. There was a re-focusing and re-centering my life on God, and the calling he had given me.

After coming back up to Gordon Conwell, I jumped right into my summer class (Exegesis of Mark). At first I was worried and was a little bit frantic in working on my translations, because I thought I needed to translate half the book. I was also translating it word by word, and finding the function of

Not really great photos as they were taken candidly...
It also seems like I always have photos of food...

each word; which is very helpful, but was taking up a huge bit of my time. After going through the class, I was able to get a better grasp of what was expected for the class, and managed to get the work that needed to be done, completed for each class. During this class, we learned a lot about the context of Mark, and the historical context during the time the book was written. We dove into the literary style as well as the literary content and allusions to the OT. During the short week that I've been back, I was also blessed with the opportunity to be a part of the leaders of the young adult fellowship at my church. We had decided to go on a 1 day 1 night retreat to plan out the vision and theme for the coming year. This retreat was a really amazing time where I got to sit with other leaders who were passionate for the community, and for God's work to be done. I learned so much, and was also very encouraged to just hear them talking about their visions for the fellowship and how they had been hearing God speaking. During this retreat I was also challenged with the very difficult idea of reaching out to young adults. What is the main focus of young adults?? For family fellowships, the goal would be to be a good husband/wife/parent. For college and under, it would be to ground their faith, listen to God's calling, and/or to be faithful in the place that God has placed them (school, families, etc.) Now when I turn to young adults, I just could not figure it out. There were different ideas floating in my head, but I could only end with one: To find their identity/security/stability/comfort. During this time of young adult-hood, we are experiencing for the first time, being on our own and not being told what to do. I think this time is where we feel the most lost and confused. We have the church telling us we need to get married, and society telling us we need to focus on our careers. What I believe that God was awakening me to; was the reality that all of these things would create some kind of security or identity for the person, but was that ever enough? I think ultimately, God is calling them to point back to Him, and realize their very real identity as His child and as belonging to Him. Security and Identity need to come from Christ, and not from the things of this world.

Anyway, that was my little rant/word vomit on what was going through my head, sorry if that sounded very convoluted or confusing. All in all, it has been a really good and restful summer, and I cannot wait to jump into the new year. I pray that you are all doing well, and feel free to hit me up and ask me more about how things are!!